Where The Heart Is . . .

Parenting 101

2011-09-11T19:42:00.001-04:00

Last night, I had one of those fabulous moments with my boys, where they decided they needed a group hug with Mom. Those are truly fabulous moments, but one must understand that my boys are bigger than me these days; so, I have to brace myself for the onslaught to prevent injury. But ... they are my greatest moments, because they are full of laughter and joy, and, when they happen, my mind races back to when they were just little buggers bouncing around the house all full of fun and games ..... I miss those moments sometimes, but I am loving seeing the young men Malcolm and Mackenzie are becoming. I'd like to think I have more to do with that than I actually do, knowing that God has those reins, but I often gauge my parenting skills through their words and actions. I thought a lot about that today ....... how am I doing as a Mom?

I'm doing ok, I think .... keeping my head enough above the water to keep from drowning out right; but, I know I'm flailing a lot of the time ..... it's like that with kids. No handbook or directions, which calls for a ton a prayer because everyday brings a different question or concern. I'm doing the best I know to do, praying I'm not screwing them up too badly, doing permanent damage that will lead to years of therapy ..... but ..... one thing that is solid truth that will never change is ..... I AM HERE FOR THEM!!!! And, hey ..... if my kids are going to get screwed up .... it will be by their Mom who loves them unconditionally and eternally!!!! It will NOT be by some SACC instructor, YMCA leader, Daycare Provider or babysitter!!!

God gave these wonderful boys to ME and Mark!!!! It is our God given responsibility to raise them, and we WILL be accountable to God for how we do it. That is Bible Basics!!! And, I talk to them a lot about how seriously I take that responsibility.

Lately around here, the boys have asked me about going back to college .... joking about getting a PhD, so they can call me Dr. Mom, or going back to work or pursuing some of the other things they know I want to accomplish in my life, and, believe me, there is a list ..... a long list. I have dreams and goals and things I aspire to, and I think about them regularly ....... HOWEVER ........ I know in my heart that there is nothing that I can ever accomplish from that list that will ever be as important to me or as meaningful as the things I can encourage and help them accomplish, and, as a Christian parent ....... that starts with raising these two young men to grow to up to be God fearing, God honoring, God following men of valor!!!! And, if I don't take this responsibility seriously ..... I will have failed God, failed my boys and failed myself.

My dreams, goals and hopes will be there for me when the timing comes right, and, in that moment, they will manifest with all the grace of God in John 10:10 abundance that even I can't currently envision. Malcolm is my hero for reasons that only I can understand, and Mackenzie makes my heart smile in ways that come from no other place ....... and, right now, they are learning and growing at Youth Group, where I know they are learning and growing with the Godly principles I stand on daily, being reinforced by our Christian family who genuinely love and care for them.

In the Full of 101,

Kalena Parenting

But he also made me fast ...... Part 2

2011-09-05T23:08:00.000-04:00

Okay ..... so moving forward to today (and tomorrow) ......

Again yesterday, Pastor Jay was doing Sunday Services, and, just in case what he had said last year escaped Malcolm's memory, Chariots of Fire and that awesome line ...... God made me with a purpose, but He also made me fast ...... was used in our latest teaching series.

With Malcolm starting his Freshman year of High School, soooo many thoughts flood my mind. More than anything else, I am so excited for him. He has such a solid plan and is rock solid in his goals in how to accomplish them. I know there may be bumps and hurdles along the way, but I believe that using all of those glitches as teaching moments will help him grow and progress even further along the way to achieving what he has set before him. He constantly amazes me!

The great thing about where he is right now, and where he's trying to get is that as awesome as that line from that movie is, yesterday they showed the clip in church, and what the actor actually says is this:

God made me for a purpose, but He also made me fast; and, when I run, I FEEL HIS PLEASURE!!!!!!

How stinkin awesome is that????? And what a revelation?????

From a year ago, Malcolm being afraid that if he played football, he wouldn't be able to act ...... he is now in a place where he understands that not only is God okay with him doing multiple things ...... HE ENCOURAGES IT!!!!!!!!

Yes Mal!!!! You can play in the NFL if you choose!!!!!
Yes Mal!!!! You can be an actor!!!!!
Yes Mal!!!! You can be a collegiate wrestler at UVA!!!
Yes Mal!!!! You can be a State Science Fair Champion!!!

How awesome it was for me to be able to look my son in the face and tell him, that the hopes, dreams and goals that fill his heart were put there by God, and, as long as Mal continues to honor Him and do his part, God will absolutely bless him with the manifestation of those hopes, dreams and goals!!!!!

Feeling His pleasure,

Kalena Believing

But He also made me fast ..... Part 1

2011-09-05T19:33:00.000-04:00

This year, our Mal is playing Freshman Football, and he is good at it! Actually, he is great at it and shows hints of NFL caliber greatness. He hopes to play NCAA football at UVA, and I believe he is in the right school, in the right program, with the right coaches to see that come into manifestation. We only hear great things about him from the coaches. He's playing on Special Teams, and is on the scout team as a Defensive End/Linebacker. Scout team is the nice way of saying third string. The fabulous news is, the coaches love his initiative and heart and see daily improvement ........ UVA on the horizon ...... and things look really promising .....

However, this hasn't always been the case.

Two years ago, Mal played in the county league, and, for an entire season Dad and I spent nearly every practice and game pulling our hair out from the side lines. Half speed, half hearted, ba doo pa doop .... blah blah blah effort at every practice and temper temper when he wasn't in every play on game day ..... this went on ALL SEASON LONG!!!!! We were so frustrated it was unbelievable!!!!

Soooooo, last year, Dad decided to Coach .... the thinking was maybe we weren't involved enough ...... maybe Mal would pick up the pace if Dad was there with him in a leadership/coaching role, as opposed to just being there as Dad.

Hmmmmmmmmm ............

Big excitement when he found out dad was coaching ....... Big excitement when the gear was issued ....... Big excitement when practices started ...... but then ...... when the season started, I noticed that same ho hum look on his face ....... not good! So, I had a heart to heart with him on the way to school the morning after the first game. To my amazement, he was afraid that if he played football, he couldn't be an actor. And EVERYONE knows without doubt that God sent this boy down here to be an actor. We have known it as long as he has been able to speak.

So, from the hip, I blurt through a laundry list of professional football players who have also had careers as actors ..... The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Brian Bosworth, Terry Bradshaw, Brett Favre and the clincher ..... Michael Strahan, who he knows personally ..... and that seemed to ease his hesitation a bit. That, plus, I explained to him that Dad and I have never told him he could only do one thing. That we would never limit his abilities or opportunities.

BUT THEN ........... thank God for Pastor Jay, the Holy Bible, Elijah and his Chariot of Fire!!!!!

The way to successfully walk and talk in Malcolm's world is through the silver screen. He is Mr. Movie Man! And, very casually in a teaching series during last season, Pastor Jay made a reference to Chariots of Fire being one of his favorite movies, and how he believes one of the greatest lines in any movie .... ever .... is when the leading man, who was running track in the 1924 Olympics to the dismay of his missionary family, says ..... "God made me with a purpose, but He also made me fast".

With one line in a Sunday Service, one line from an Academy Award Winning Movie ...... Malcolm heard God speak to him clearly and without question for the first time ....... and played IRON MAN football for the Ravens for the entire season. The only player to do so, and he was awesome in it!!!!!!

From The Sidelines,

Kalena Watching

How do you know?

2011-04-05T13:10:00.002-04:00

I've been in a quiet season, which is highly unusual for me, and I don't have much to say at the moment. I'm wondering though .....

How do people who spend no time reading their Bibles, no time attending services or participating in any Godly fellowship say God is in charge of their lives?

In seriousness, how do they know it's God (Big G) who is actually the spirit controlling them or their lives? The bible tells us that satan and his demons can appear as angels of light ..... so how can they be so sure?

Kalena Wondering

Birthing a Beluga

2010-12-16T14:37:00.002-05:00

There's a story in the Bible where Jacob is wrestling with God (or an angel - depends on who's translating the story). They wrestle all night and at dawn his opponent demands to be let go, but Jacob tells Him he won't let go until He blesses him (this is why I personally believe it's God - asking for a blessing from an angel makes no sense to me). Anyway ... that doesn't matter right now .... it's the wrestling part I'm on here (And, I normally tag these with scripture/verse, but I'm not this time. You can trust it's in there in Genesis). Anywho .... decked boldly in a Spiritual singlet, head gear and mat shoes .... I am wrestling with God, and I am not letting go until He blesses me.

The truth is ... God and I have been on the mats for weeks now. Not really sure who's winning, but man oh man, are we ever locking it up. I have fleeced like Gideon. I have challenged like Abraham. I have declared like Job. I have questioned like Moses. I have cried out like Habakkuk. I am down in strength, but my resolve is steadfast. My Spirit is so stirred that I can hardly contain myself!

I am feeling something in this battle I have never felt before. At first I thought it was anger, but it wasn't. Then I thought Spiritual frustration better described it. Alas ... no. Then, I was in the bathroom one morning, getting ready to go somewhere else I had committed to .... when I burst out laughing. Through the thoughts careening through my mind that day .... I came to a dead stand still at the realization of Spiritual Labor Pains. Conveniently acronymmed ... S.L.o.P. !!!!

How re-donk-u-lous-ly appropriate!!!!

Then I began thinking about when I had my son Malcolm, and the 24 hour labor marathon I went through with him. Pain and suffering nearly to delirium, only to, not only feel no pain, but have no memory of it either immediately after he was born. Then I came to the agreement with myself that I must be birthing a beluga whale!!!! :0)

God is a big God, and I am wrestling Him for a big blessing ..... He knows the Word he spoke into my heart. I know the Word He spoke into my heart. I am pruned. I am broken. I am on my face. However, doing my best Samson impersonation ...... I wrestle on, and I am NOT letting go until He blesses me ..... too much is at stake to get this close and let go.

Looking to Philippi,

Kalena Grappling

Shakespearean Comic Relief

2010-12-16T14:13:00.003-05:00

In every Shakespeare Tragedy, there is an intermission referred to as the Comic Relief. I have many of these in my daily life where something so ridiculous happens in the middle of my comedy/tragedy existence that is it re-donk-u-lous!!! True to the intended Shakespearean Way, I had a Mucho Maxine Moment the other day.

I was getting dressed to go to church for something ... not services, but some something. Anyway, I was fully dressed, make up on, hair brushed and getting ready to walk out of my bedroom, when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

:/

Understand that I've lost a few pounds over the past months, and my clothes don't fit exactly the same as they did earlier in the year. For me, the first two places I lose weight are my face and my chest. Well, because of the latter, I now find much more comfort wearing undershirts that have a shelf bra, like I had on on the day in reference. Welllllllll ........ my reflection in the mirror was most telling. Not really sure what I actually looked like, but here's what I saw:

My chichis had disappeared, and I was in desperate need of some upper ab work!!!!!!

What the heck?

Laughing Out Loud from the streets of Sag City,

Kalena Re-dressing

When Worlds Collide

2010-11-22T18:29:00.002-05:00

Here in Northern Virginia, we have two major freeways. I-495 encircles Washington DC and I-95 is the Eastern Seaboard corridor for travelers. We spend a lot of time stuck in some kind of traffic back here, but there's this one exit - Edsall Road - that seems to be a point of unforeseen conflict for many drivers. There is at least one major accident nearly every week at that interchange. I wonder sometimes how - when everyone knows how often this happens - this continues to be a conflicted junction in folks' lives, but tonight my thoughts are not on Edsall Road, my thoughts are on life in general. Edsall Road is merely my visual.

I have a full life. I am happily married, have two awesome, intelligent and gorgeous boys, a perfect dog, great house, come and go when I please, and am blessed beyond measure that I don't have to work and can enjoy my children growing up. My guest list is full of names and I have people around me who love me beyond measure. The crazy thing is that in this fullness and abundance, every now and then, one of my childhood friends comes into my heart and the fullness I am so thankful for echoes of hollowness.

When I was growing up, Ozzie and Harriet and The Brady Bunch were the big happy family shows on TV. And, as a child it was a dream to think that our house could ever be filled with the love and understanding so undeniably visible on those shows. Our house was a train wreck, always waiting on the next locomotive to come barreling down the track and slam it again. We never seemed to get the wreckage cleared, before another hazmat spill poured on top. It was a nightmare!

My escape from the ugliness was found in my friends at school. However, it worked out, most of my friends were guys. Missey was my best friend and we were everywhere together all of the time, but she was pretty much the only girl. I knew everybody - it was a small town - but those guys were my heart, and I lived for the time I spent with them. It wasn't until I was older and moved away that I realized just how important they were to me back then. I can honestly say that I am, in a large way, who I am because of them.

I've moved on from that place in my life, and, truthfully, none of them came forward with me. They were all still around for a while, but as the years rolled past .... sooner or later, they were all still in my heart, but not so much in my life. As we all got older and married and established, it was even less. I still think about them from time to time, and it makes me smile! And, though I have moved so far way from that little town, I miss them, and I miss those simple moments of memories. Childhood memories!

And, though bringing them forward into my life would be the equivalent of any given mishap on Edsall Road ..... sometimes, just sometimes, I wish they were still around.

My cup runneth over!

Happy Thanksgiving America!

Kalena Colliding

WRITE You Are!!!

2010-09-28T10:13:00.002-04:00

Oh my Blog buddies ....

I had every intention of jumping on my spot and burning out some jammin' posts this year.

Alas .... not so.

I have been crazy busy designing t-shirts for my zazzle storefront, and have trecked into the deeper moments of writing. "Pray Before Reading" and "Salvation's Heart" are in definitive process, and I hope to have one before a publisher by year's end. Pray with me to meet my unseemly time line!

Much Love,

Kalena Booking

When Nothing Else Makes Sense .....

2010-09-10T13:57:00.003-04:00

THIS DOES

Hard Truth

2010-09-09T10:20:00.002-04:00

Last September, I entered into a deeper and dangerous journey with God. I openly began praying for truth. His truth about Himself. His truth about me, and His truth about Him in my life. Had I known at the onset the things that would manifest themselves from praying that way, I may have rethought the idea, but, alas, truth being resonant in my heart, I pressed in and prayed through.

Several of the truths that have been exposed during this year of diligence in truth, I will keep to myself; because, revealing would simply cause more harm than good. Yet the text that follows comes from a year long journey of discernment and revelation that stem from a simple prayer of asking God for truth.

A couple of weeks ago, I was watching a show on Investigative Discovery (ID) about this woman who had disappeared and no one knew where she was. Her children were at home with a sitter, and she had left details that she was going to meet someone and would be home at a certain time. A time that came and passed, and, sadly, she never returned. Investigators found her body some days later, and she had been violently attacked and murdered.

Throughout the investigation, there were several lifestyle choices and career choices that came out that were previously unknown to her friends and family. The thing that captured my heart was that as the detectives interviewed her friends and family and revealed these findings to them ... each and everyone of them stood by this woman and defended her .... even in death in the face of revelatory information of a shocking nature. With every new revelation, everyone interviewed continue to stand in the gap for this woman's honor, explaining that "if" what they were being told was the truth .... she must have had a good reason for what she did. "If" what was being revealed about her was truth, they ALL had a way of explaining "to her credit" why she would have ever even considered doing what was being said. It was incredible.

Based on my personal revelatory moments over this past year, I sat and thought ... if something like that ever happened to me, where I disappeared and was found murdered ... the people in my own life who would find themselves in an interview, by far and away, would all be thinking ... she must have done something to bring this on herself. This doesn't just happen. She had to have done something. I KNOW her ... she did something. Even those closest to me would be questioning my character and what had I done to end up in this situation. Even sadder, most of them would be sitting around waiting for the moment they heard anything that gave them the satisfaction of saying "I knew it" or "I told you so". This is equally as incredible as the response to the woman in the story.

And make no mistake ... this is NOT a poor me moment! I titled this "Hard Truth" by design. Because in the face of this truth, in the face of everything that has been revealed over these past months, as painful and as hurtful as some of my days have been ... I THANK GOD for leading me into this journey for truth and for walking beside me every step of the way. It has been a hard walk, for sure, and there have been days when just putting one foot in front of the other has been enough to send me tumbling ... however, the ONE THING that has remained constant through this entire adventure is that at the end of everyone of the days, God is still right here with me holding me steadfast. In truth, there have been countless where He has been the ONLY ONE, but I'll take that above a million around me, and Him absent any day of the week; and, if I had to do it all over again, knowing what I know now, you better believe I would!!!

With God,

Kalena in Truth

On Top of the World

2010-09-07T10:49:00.004-04:00

As usually happens with me, about midway through the month of August, I start getting an overwhelming feeling of being boxed in; and, as we approach the beginning of school, my box gets smaller and smaller .... almost to suffocation. I know this happens to me, because the free days of summer are rapidly coming to an end; and, the 180 days of lock down - which are the public school year - are rapidly approaching.

So, as the Labor Day holiday weekend loomed on the horizon, I determined to make an adventure explosion become a reality. My plan was to make one last day trip to the Eastern Shore, and then head over to the mountains for three days. I have an adventurer's spirit, so traveling like a mad woman was never a factor in getting it done. However ..... man, did I ever have to kick down some doors .... just to get the one day I actually got.

First ..... hurricane "My name is Earl" foiled the eastern Shore plans. Not because I was at pause over the storm, you understand, but because the island was closed for damage inspection.

Bugger!!!!

Second ..... and I pose this as a Q&A ..... who in the world seriously schedules a football scrimmage on a Holiday Weekend????? SCYFA!!!! That's who! Man, you want to talk about being ugly ugly!!! My plan was to bump out of here early Friday morning after I dropped the spousal unit off for his flight to upstate NY for his"manly man" weekend with his Marine Buds. NOT!!! A scrimmage at 0900!!!! And, when my boys are both on 1st Defense and two of the three down linemen ....

Bugger! Bugger!!

Anywho .... we eventually made it out of this house, out of this town, off on our adventure ... dog in tow! It was late when we got to Angie's, because we did a 4 mile loop hike to see Cascades Falls on the way down .... but the just of this story all happened on Sunday anyway.

We got up early-ish ... :) ... and headed out to conquer the day! Quick stop at Mickey D's for sustenance (sp?) and off we went to Jessee's Mill for our first photo stop. WHAT FUN! As the kids sat happily in the air conditioned vehicles, Angie, Keith and I were climbing through weeds, up and down hilly slopes, under branches, around trees and over barbed wire to get some really cool pictures of the Old Mill and the little water fall that sat behind her.

Next stop was scheduled just outside Dungannon to see the Upper Falls on Little Stony Creek. Happy little walk about 1/4 to 1/2 mile down the trail path to the bridge that walks you immediately over the top of these falls. WOW! WOW! and WOW!

We climbed around, down, behind, inside and covered every inch of this beautiful little waterfall. They haven't had much rain down there this summer, so it wasn't as full as some of the pics I saw on the web, but it was beautiful. (Photographers note .... I am in serious need of a circular polarizer, a neutral density filter and a hood for my camera) Sadly, we didn't all move forward to the next locations, because the working girl had to clock in at 4; so, Dad took her home ...... but the sisters and their sons headed onward and outward for more adventure. Little did we know what was just around the bend .....

Driving out from the Upper Falls parking lot, we noticed a little man made pullover ... big enough for three or four cars. Not being under a timeline now .... we decided, what the hey? Lets see what it is. So, we park, and, once again, the kids decide to rest in the luxury of the air conditioned vehicle and Angie and I set out to see what was at the end of the sandy little trail. Thinking it probably was an overlook of some sort, and we'd be able to see the falls in the distance. We were wrong! We walked and didn't see anything .... just a sandy little trail and some trees. The thought of turning back was quickly overcome by the fact that we both decided that whatever we were looking for out there was going to be just around the next turn, and, if we went back, we'd miss it. So onward we stayed.

Then we saw it. The little rock formation that jetted out the side of the mountain. That must be it we thought! We were wrong ... again!!! That little rock led us to the real treasure of the path. A HUGE rock formation that literally held us against the sky, atop everything, ~ 2500 feet elevation ... The towering trees that cover the face of this mountain were very much like paint daubs in shades of green, the hawks that soared were below our line of vision, the wonder of the falls we had just left was a pleasant memory in a photograph and the hustle and bustle of traffic and noise and work and life had no place in this moment in time. From our new vantage point we could see forever ... the view panned out across the Clinch River Valley Basin far into the blue silhouetted mountains that stood against the distant horizon. Incredible! Indescribable! And truly lain out by the hand of God! There is no way it can be anything other.

I had prayed for an opportunity to get out of this house this weekend. What I got was the opportunity to stand on the top of the world with my sister. To get any further away from the enclosing walls of life's 9-5, I would have had to sprout my wings and fly!!!!

Winging It,

Kalena Flying

Holy Haunting

2010-08-30T22:01:00.003-04:00

It is my norm during the school year to catch Charles Stanley on WAVA as I drive the boys to school. It's actually kind of cool for me, because I get to spend those few minutes listening to some real Bible truth with my boys right before they venture of into the big bad world of Public School. Armor for the battle, if you will .....

Well, nearly a year ago now, as I was listening to his closing comments after dropping the boys off Dr Stanley made this comment .... what could God do in and through your life if there were no limitations?

For nearly a year now this question has haunted me ...

Two things happened that day .... One, I immediately realized all of the limitations I have allowed to take hold in my life, and, Two, I immediately realized that having a life without limitations in God is possible.

I have written in different places about this moment in my life, yet I am writing specifically about it now; because, dealing with it has changed the way I see everything, and, lately, has kept me up at night and getting very poor sleep when I do finally nod off. It has left me in an undeniable Spiritual unrest, and feeling incredibly off balance. My faith is steadfast, and there is no doubt that where ever I am right now, I am here with God. I'm just not sure I know where this where ever is. It's not like my desert time I so look forward to with Him, but it is definitely just He and I.

The beautiful thing about my unrest is that only God can lead me out of it.

Much prayer and many blessings,

Kalena Following

William Thomas

2010-08-17T22:51:00.005-04:00

So ... we spent the weekend down near Charlottesville for the Pace/Carter Family reunion. It's Mark's Mom's side of our family. It's the third year we've attended, and it's always a fabulous time. Usually we go down the day of and return that night, because we live so close. This year, though, we decided to go ahead and get a room, so we wouldn't be driving back in the middle of the night. It also gave us the opportunity to spend extra time with the family in a smaller setting at Aunt Fannie's. What an AWESOME treat that was for me.

Mark's family owns property down there, and they all have country settings. The boys were really excited about staying over, because it meant an extra day in the pool and a trip to see Uncle Dave's cows and barn. For me ..... it was like going home.

When I was a kid growing up, summer vacation always meant the excitement of another opportunity to be on Pensacola Beach. It also meant the trip to De Funiak Springs to see my Granny and Grampa. I was always my Grampa's girl, but, other than seeing him, there wasn't much about being at his house that was very appealing. Country living's finest, and it just wasn't my gig, especially when the beach was sooooo stinkin' close.

Sunday, though, as I walked down the little beaten dirt path, around the towering walnut trees toward the barn, I felt a sense of belonging and comfort that was too obvious to ignore. The smells were the same as being at Grampa's. A naturalness that doesn't exist in the city, with an undeniable air of hay and manure wafting on the breeze. Time seemed to slow down to a comfortable stride that I rarely ever use. And ..... all those things that seem so vital and important .... those things that overwork blood pressure and stress levels seemed far less urgent. The pressing issue of the day appeared to be the cows making it under the one shade tree standing in the field when the sun momentarily popped through the day's overcast skies. So many memories from being at Grampa's danced with me that day. The fig trees in the back yard, the enormous smelly sow in the barn, the long walk past the corn field to get to the fishing pond to have a peak and see if that crazy bull was still IN his pin. Great Great Grandma Lucy's house even gave me a clear reminder of sleeping at Grampa's on rainy, summer night's ... dancing with the Sandman to the beat of a million raindrops pinging away on the tin roof. The only things missing were a brown fedora, and the sweet smell of tobacco waiting just inside the front door.

I miss my Grampa, but Sunday made it ok.

Remembering W.T.,

Kalena in Country

Invisible Goliaths

2010-08-01T23:01:00.003-04:00

For as long as I can remember, I've known the story of David and Goliath ... of how the mighty giant fell at the hands of an unknown shepherd boy and his sling shot. In my mind's eye as a child, Goliath was 100 feet tall and weighed 1000 pounds, and David was just a small boy. It was always amazing to me that David showed near fear at facing this behemoth of a man and still had the grit to talk trash .....

Today, however, Goliath seems far less of an adversary to me.

As we live and grow, I suppose somewhere we allow ourselves to believe that living life will get easier. We are more intelligent and have more control over our lives than when we are kids in our parents homes. Yet ..... this thought process seems to run in perfect contradiction to what actually happens in life. When we are kids, most things are cut and dried in black and white ... especially in our relationships. We know who our family is, we know who our friends are and we certainly know who the enemy is. And, though the dream would be for discernment to carry us into a clearer understanding of these facts as we grow, such is not the case.

This morning I began the walk into a deeper study of King David, specifically covering the guarding of our hearts. As with all other David studies, I was expecting there to be a lengthy dissertation on the circumstances surrounding the famous battle from my childhood. Strangely the man from Gath barely made appearance, other than to point out that Goliath was an enemy of God, which made him an enemy of the Israelite children, hence an enemy of David. Today's lesson looked past the mighty giant and toward the Invisible Goliath that David would soon face ... King Saul.

After defeating Goliath, David was given choice position and power within Saul's kingdom, and with obedience to God and respect for the king, David devoted himself to doing anything and everything he was asked. However, in madness (insanity) Saul became jealous of David, because he could see that God was with him. And, all the while that David was leading Saul's army, expanding Saul's territory and making him a very wealthy man, even ministering to him when no one else could or would ..... Saul was laying wait plotting ways to kill him, because he had come to fear and hate him, for no reason other than being ..... twice even launching a spear at David himself hoping to kill him.

I have sat in silence and solitude for most of this afternoon and evening having been deeply altered by the words of today's lesson. Revelatory moments with God often leave me in a deeper state of meditation, yet today was a different moment for me. Not that I am troubled in my Spirit, but I am definitely stirred. Too true to my current walk with God was today's teaching. Having learned through out this past year that not everyone who says they love me does, not everyone who professes to be a Christian is and that far too often the lines of family and friends become skewed and gray leaving an enormous foothold for the devil to play. All the while I have been in constant support, encouragement and prayer for the people who seemingly should be the closest in my life ..... I am learning daily that there are those who embrace the opportunity to be to me as Saul was to David.

In September of last year I began a journey for truth with God. HIS truth about Him, HIS truth about me and HIS truth about Him in my life. Diligently I've prayed for all these months for revelations of truth ... the good, the bad and the ugly of it ... everything I needed to know and see in order to get where I am going with Him. Over these past months I have laughed, cried and been in complete awe of the the truth the Lord has revealed to me ..... ever in prayer, ever diligent to learning and gaining wisdom in His truth. And, even in heartbreak ... ever thankful for the lessons and the journey. I have seen windows and doors opened and I have experienced windows and doors being closed ... all by His hand. It has been a divine process like no other I've known, and I would not take one step away from it for anything in the world. Today's Word from Him ran through every fiber of my being with revelation and clarity I cannot find words to describe.

The only disheartening fact for me today was that I recognized who my invisible goliaths are immediately.

In His Truth,

No Spear in Hand,

Kalena Resting

Pony Penning

2010-07-29T21:58:00.002-04:00

So ..... the husband and I have thoroughly enjoyed our week with the boys away at Messiah Camp. Raiding the local convenience store in the middle of the night for snacks we don't need ... roaming aimlessly through the mall browsing with out having to say "no you can't have that", "stop touching everything" and stuff like that. It has been a really welcomed quiet week. We even kenneled our beautiful Shiloh and stole away to the beach for an overnighter.

We were trying to decide what to do this week, and we came to two choices ... either head to the mountains of West Virginia and Black Water Falls to relive a childhood memory, or head east to Chincoteague Island to see the ponies run. Being the beach bum that I am, we weighed heavily on the East.

Chincoteague Island is a wildlife refuge at the Southern most tip of the DelMarVa peninsula ... a very picturesque four hour drive from our home. It is commonly known for the wild ponies that freely roam the beaches year round. What a photographic opportunity ..... and ..... it's the beach. Win/Win!

So Wednesday morning, we through an over night bag in the truck and off we went.

Now, I had read on the "official" Chincoteague website that there was a penning Wednesday and Thursday. I understood that the ponies would swim across the channel from Assateague Island over to Chincoteague Town, some would auctioned and then there would be the swim back. That would be something cool to see.

Well ........ as it turns out, my husband and I would be the only two people, of the 40,000 in attendance, who were unaware of just how big of a deal this little event is! Good thing we learn quick! The biggest lesson is that 40,000 on a small island is CRAZY CROWDED!!!!!

Sadly, the intended purpose .... seeing and photographing the wild ponies on the beach did not happen ... but, man, did we have an awesome time! And .... we will be back .... just not on a penning weekend! :)

There are no life altering lessons in this post ... just a genuine good time in the sun ... however, when I got home I saw a funny thing on facebook. The quote said "Life is not lost in dying. It is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the small uncaring ways"

What an awesome reality check!

Soooooo .....

Marking the seconds, caring uninhibited, loving unconditionally and choosing to dream enormous dreams without limitations .....

Kalena Living

The Praying Life .....

2010-07-16T01:07:00.005-04:00

The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. James 5:16

For years, I have grown into a relationship with God, where, though I may pray for five or ten minutes at a time, I stay in constant communication with Him. If I'm awake, I'm in conversation and fellowship with Him, regardless of what is going on around me. It is the only way I can survive even the best of days.

However, over the past few months, I have given great attention to my prayer life, and this one verse from the Book of James has brought me to a different place, a better place, in my prayer life. There was a moment at the beginning of this revelation where, in honesty, I asked myself about the seriousness of my prayer time, and I asked myself about effectual and fervent praying and whether or not this was what I was doing .....

By definition:

ef·fec·tual (e fek′c̸ho̵̅o̅ əl, i-; often ē-, ə-)adj.

producing, or able to produce, the desired effect
having legal force; valid

fer·vent (fûrvnt)adj.

1. Having or showing great emotion or zeal; ardent.

2. Extremely hot; glowing.

Was I fervent? Without doubt ... yet I found myself seriously lacking in the effectualness of my prayers. So, I wondered ... when I was praying, did I seriously expect to hear answer from God, or was I just throwing up a lifeline in case He happened to be listening to me that day? The Bible tells us that all of the answers in Him are Yes and Amen. (2 Corinthians 1:19-21) So, I wondered why so many of my prayers have seemed to go no higher than the ceiling, and I spoke with God in detail and at length about this. Asking why is there such delay in the desired effects on many of my prayers.

When Jesus prayed, God answered immediately, and that answer was manifest for others to see. My question, then became, if it is the same Spirit on the inside of me that was in Christ (and I believe it is John 14:16-20) then why were there so few manifestations? There is no logical explanation. So, looking again at these two words that have become the focal points of my prayer life, I asked myself did I really believe to hear from God? Noting that both words are adjectives ..... describing the type of prayer that we are to send to our Heavenly Father ... I also believe that these two words should also describe the one praying. Effectual and fervent ... full of passion and glowing hot, and so becomes my resolve. To pray any other way seems to me a waste of my time, and, I don't play when I speak with God. To send up a flippant, half hearted prayer seems to me to be a waste of His time. Through it all, the only conclusion I have been able to come to is ...

Not only do I believe to hear from Him ... I sit in earnest expectation.

Much love and prayers,

Kalena in Fervency

Freak Shows

2010-07-16T00:30:00.003-04:00

Step Right Up! 10 cents to see the bearded lady and the tall man! Or for just one dollar, you can see the amazing lion faced boy!

When I was a kid growing up, pop up carnivals were a dime a dozen and seemed to pop up over night. There were rides galore, cotton candy and corn dogs and the smell or assorted fried and sugared foods filled the air. The smell, though enticing, was really close to sickening. Carnies were everywhere, and looked as though they hadn't been in the sun for months. Then, as quickly as they appeared ... the would mysteriously vanish in the night, with no trace that they were ever there ... and show up with all the flashing lights and wonder a town or two over. As a child, I was amazed by the wonderment of it all. Well, everything except the "amazing" and "spectacular" attractions that loomed just outside the entrance gate. Amazing and spectacular as they may have been described, creepy and borderline haunting is the way I remember them.

For there in the front ... the head liner, if you will, were the bearded lady, the tall man, the lion faced boy, or the "Unbelievable" serpent boy. Half boy/half snake. As a child ... the thought was horrific ... partly because of a genuine fear of snakes, partly because it was terrifying to me to think a kid could be half snake. But, at each and every roadside carnival was the FREAK SHOW. I suppose at that time, a carnival was incomplete without some kind of sideshow attraction. Quite obviously these memories are emblazened in my mind. The whole purpose of these side show attractions was to distract you from your original destination and take your money before you ever got inside to the actual carnival itself.

As my life moves forward, I have come to understand the workings of these carnies and the smoke and mirrors that made them such a wonder to see. And, though roadside carnivals are not such the common theme anymore with grandiose theme parks more prevalent than in days past, freak shows remain.

For me these days, though, where I notice these distractions popping up regularly is in my walk with God. I have a destination. I have a purpose, and God is leading me to that place. However, along the way freak shows pop up in the night, and I find myself warding them off repeatedly. And just like the roadies of old, they disappear as quickly as they appear, and pop up again two or three days down the road. Identifying them as quickly as possible is the key for me staying on pace with God and getting to the place in Him that manifests the scriptures that are the cornerstones of my life.

Spiritual Freak Shows are anything, anybody, everything and everybody that pop up to cause a distraction from my walk with God with the intended purpose of getting me off track. Things that take my focus off of the Lord and try to drive it toward something else. They are always temporal. They always have the appearance of importance without having any substance. And ... they are ALWAYS Spiritually suffocating. In years past, I have struggled greatly with these side shows, never knowing until they were put down just how detrimental they truly are.

I thank God for always guiding me back and waiting for me on the other side, yet these days, I am thanking God for teaching me how to identify them and call them out for what they are ... FREAK SHOWS; so, that my walk is not so greatly side tracked anymore.

Straight is the gate, and narrow is the way .... this is my path.

In 10:10,

Kalena Straightening

Open Vents

2010-07-15T15:49:00.003-04:00

I am soooo spiritually ugly right now!

Every time I turn around, I keep finding myself in a place where the Christian company I keep ... and they are Christians ... is overwhelmingly complacent in their faith and walk with God.

It makes me sick!

What I DO NOT understand is how we can read our Bibles daily ... hoard to church every time the doors are open ... process, profess, profess and then when a situation arises that may cost us a moment outside of our "it's really all about me" mindset, throw out a flippant "I'll pray for ya" and run for the hills. It is no wonder that this dying world that we live in has such an ugly opinion of Christianity as a whole and Christ in general. This kind of behavior makes my "attitude of gratitude" scream in anger, and I always have this mental image of my Lord sitting on the steps of the temple weaving a whip right before He went in and ran out all of the money changers.

Every time my phone rings, or I open my e-mail, I am bombarded by stories of hurting saints who are having one bad spiritual encounter after another. And, I'm not talking about the evil one and his ploys either. I am talking specifically about Christian encounters where the ones in need of help, assistance, a shoulder to cry on or just genuine compassion are being railroaded by fellow Christians .... always, and I do mean always, because they have their own "stuff" to deal with and won't take the time to get over themselves to lift up a hurting brother or sister in Christ!!!

And, when God sends these folks to me, I find myself spending more time undoing the damage from their last encounter than I do actually helping to address the hurt that started the entire chain of events.

Sometimes folks actually need for us to pray them through a hurting situation, but sometimes what they really need is for us to get over ourselves, get in the dregs with them and beat out a victory! That is the love of God! My personal hurt is that we have taken the love of God and perverted it into some temporal miscue that fits our own lives, instead letting it transform us into the Children of God He created us to be!

WE HAVE MISSED IT COMPLETELY!

The Bible clearly tells us to be doers of the Word and not hearers only, and I don't believe that was a suggestion!

From the dregs ....

Kalena Weaving

Where MY Heart Is .....

2010-07-07T22:12:00.003-04:00

WOW! What a year it has been ... and it is barely half way through.

The Queen has sat quiet for months now, and I still don't have the words to fully explain or express the changes and growth I have gone through. Over the next days and weeks, I plan to finally bring all the past months into words that weigh in on those changes and where I've been to where I am.

Life has such roller coaster moments, and I have been holding my breath and screaming at the top of my lungs continually since the changing of the year. What a ride it has been!

I have learned what the true emotion is that follows the expression "Holy Crap!" I have come into the full understanding of what a "Holy Haunting" is. I have laughed until my sides hurt and cried until there were literally no more tears left. I have felt better and been sicker than I've been in my life ... all in a matter of months!

And, through it all, I have grown into a deeper, fuller, richer, truer me than I even knew existed. My life is flourishing, and God's presence is undeniable at every fold and corner of it. I hope that through my words over the upcoming days, you, too, can find places of growth and growing in your own lives.

With Soooo Much Love,

Kalena Soaring

Writer's Crowd

2010-02-12T13:17:00.003-05:00

All my life I've been a writer. I actually wrote my first short story when I was in middle school. I just never followed through with it, because those nasty girls, who were supposed to be my friends, made fun of it. However, all my life I guess I've always known that I would be a writer for real if I ever grew up! The growing up part took longer than expected, but here I am!

Like everything else in my life, I have gone through much communication with God about this. I have reached out and talked with the other writers in my life, as well. I've been reading and studying my Bible and spiritual, God inspired authors. Then, a couple of weeks ago, as I was trying to find my next "great" book to read, God ever so gently, yet matter of factly, let me know it was time to stop reading and start writing. YIKES!!!!

Of course, my first thought was "do we seriously need ANOTHER Christian writer"? I mean, seriously, go into any book store - not even just Christian book stores either - and there are entire sections dedicated to Christian writers. Francis Chan, Joyce Meyer, Charles Stanley, David Jeremiah, Andy Andrews, CS Lewis ...... the list goes on and on. People who are much more qualified than I, I suppose. I had a serious Moses moment with God over a "who I am?"

I mean .... really .... stay at home Mom with a little bit of college ..... not much to go on, if you're on the outside looking, I guess.

BUT ..... here I am ..... at the beginning of a journey ..... out here on my faith ..... with nothing but that faith to stand on .....

Pretty solid ground!

Kalena Writing

What Would Jesus Really Do?

2010-01-29T16:35:00.003-05:00

BACK STORY:

I had the occasion to go to down to Fredericksburg last week. I do this periodically when I'm having a shopping Jones. Make the ten minute run down south to visit the most AWESOME store in the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD ..... Kirklands. I'm very fond of Kirklands, because it is in the middle of secularville and has the most AWESOME selection of spiritual and scriptural gifts for the home! LOVE IT!!! I put my name on their little list, so they e-mail me coupons in my inbox!!! Woo!Woo! This is unbelievable, because their prices are already incredibly below everywhere else I frequent. Yep ..... very fond of Kirklands.

Well, I was just in a browsing moment, so, when I got my necessary fill, I got back in my truck and headed across the street to Long John Silvers --- note that I was browsing no longer!!!! Hit the drive thru and headed home happy .....

FRONT STORY:

All day long I had been in battle with God ..... I would have answered to the name Jacob on that day... my Genesis reference. Not fighting against Him, you understand, but definitely locked in battle with Him. I was in the middle of a dissertation about giving and receiving, blessings and the promises of God. Not that I needed to remind Him of what He has said, but diarrhea of the mouth none the less. I came up to the turn I need to make to get back on I95 and was behind a panel truck. I couldn't see the light or anything in front of me, so I had to put my trust in the hands of the driver in front of me about when to go. The light turned green and traffic began to flow. Almost immediately I saw a gentleman standing on the curb holding a homeless sign. I had money laying in the middle console that all I had to do was stop, hit the auto roll down on the window and give it to him. Easy enough right???

Now, you can call me Peter ..... I took my eyes off of the blessing and immediately went through the hostility I would create in the drivers behind me if I did what I knew was the right thing to do, so I drove on. God said nothing ..... I said nothing ..... UGH!!!

Enter I95 on ramp ..... exit I95 and back to the intersection!!! Good redemption plan, right?

The guy was NOWHERE to be seen!!!! WHAT THE HECK? Couldn't God have just let me known the guy had walked away? What the heck was the return trip for? I didn't actually have to do my keystone cop loop da loop for God to know I was going to go back ..... because I did ..... and He knew I was going to .....

Back to the I95 on ramp!

Without ever pondering the infamous WWJD, I knew instantly the answer, of course. Jesus would have done the right thing the first time negating the need for the return trip? But, then I thought what would Jesus really do in this situation? Would He just give the man the money? Or, would He have shown the guy how to get a job to not be in this situation again? Do bandaids ever help on blunt force trauma? I don't know ..... Is a temporary fix efficient? I don't think so.

Maybe .... I need to get a little bit away from the generalization of WWJD and seriously consider What Jesus Would Really Do.

Just sayin' .....

Kalena in Traffic

Oh and by the way ..... back at the same intersection yesterday ..... there was my gentleman holding his sign .....

On my word, brought traffic to a dead stand still during a green light and gave the man the money I had promised to carry with me until I saw him again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sweet Yoselin's Heart

2009-12-05T15:31:00.004-05:00

I love Christmas! Everything about it makes my heart smile!

Today is very Christmasy! There is a beautiful snow falling! The big chunk like flakes that are soooo fun to watch! My lights are on in the house, there are Christmas carols on the radio and my hot green tea makes it complete! I feel like I should be wearing a happy red dress and whipping up some cookies or something! Today is a great day!

I was thinking today about what would be the perfect gift for me ..... and I am resigned to the fact that that gift is the same every year! That I could light up my house, so the Lord could see it in heaven - I know He does, but I mean literally!!! And that my husband, my boys and everyone celebrating this beautiful Holy Day would wake up Christmas morning and find God's abundance stuffed around a picturesque Christmas tree in packages wrapped in bright paper with shiny bows, and that the flurry of flying gift wrap that followed would reach to the heavens. You see, I believe that God smiles when we make a big deal about of Christ's birth! When I get to heaven to be with Him, I just can't imagine Him giving me a talking to about OVER celebrating Jesus' birth!!!! See ..... I'm not really that sure Christians should be minimizing and scaling back at Christmas time! I think this is one of the two times a year we should show up HUGE!!!! (The other being Easter, of course) I mean ... I understand the current rage to move to Happy Holidays and all ... but God's truth is that we celebrate this month SOLELY (SOULLY) because of Immanuel - People .... IMMANUEL .... literally translated "GOD WITH US"!!!!!! Give me a better reason to celebrate!!!! (Other than Easter, of course)

For me ..... that would make a perfect Christmas Season every year --- fabulous light displays to amaze my children and everyone else who could see them and giving and gifting to everyone around me. There are many things I would like to receive, but I am in need of nothing. God gifts me daily!

Yep! I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!! I even love the Ebenezzars and Scrooges who come out of the wood work this time of year! All of those people who are rude beyond any resemblance of Christmas Spirit making sure they have the first, best and biggest gifts available, so no one else can. All they really need is to know somebody loves them and appreciates what they do. That's all! And a genuine Christmas smile can go a long way here!

In addition to everything else I hold so passionately close to my heart this time of year, my love and admiration for the SALVATION Army knows no limit. I don't even have to see them ... the second I step out of my vehicle in a parking lot and hear the bells ringing ..... my heart smiles, because I know without a doubt God is on the scene!!!! I love it!!! And I try to hit the red bucket every time I walk passed, so they know what they do is appreciated!!! It makes me sad when I see folks walk passed them with a disgusted look on their faces. I understand if you have no change to drop in the bucket, but I have actually seen folks walk passed and roll their eyes or look down their noses at them. Just sad! I pray for these folks, because they need it more than the people who just don't have any change to give! Of all the things they do, where the SALVATION Army really grips my heart is their Angel Trees!!

Every year I look forward to this blessing! This year was no different! My point isn't about the fact that "I" did anything. The Bible says in Luke 17:10 Even so on your part, when you have done everything that was assigned and commanded you, say, We are unworthy servants [possessing no merit, for we have not gone beyond our obligation]; we have [merely] done what was our duty to do. (Amplified) And, I believe it is our responsibility to do for others when they can't do for themselves. In addition, I believe there is no place for me to talk about what I've done, because I believe it takes the focus from God and brings it toward myself ..... so, the heart of this story is Sweet Yoselin's Heart!!!

Angel Code #818 specifically! Deuteronomy 8:18 says But thou shalt remember the LORD thy God: for it is he that giveth thee power to get wealth, that he may establish his covenant which he sware unto thy fathers, as it is this day. (KJV) In addition to others, this a cornerstone verse in my life. It didn't matter who was on the card, I knew it was there for me to cover. As it turns out, it was sweet Yoselin!

A beautiful little three year old girl! And there on the card were the clothes sizes, coat size, shoe size ... all the necessities. And my favorite part at the bottom ... the things that Christmas wishes are made of ..... coloring books with crayons, puzzles, a 12" bike and a play kitchen!!! HOW BEAUTIFUL!!! Can't you just see her making play tea and having parties or flurrying down the street on a little pink bike with a crazy bell?!!!! SMILE EAR TO EAR!!! Calling out "look at me" "look at me"!!! Or dressed in a beautiful holiday dress or bundled up in a happy pink coat and mittens, coloring pictures that will fade attached to a refrigerator door! I pray to God she has that refrigerator door! A beautiful little face shining on Christmas morning because she will know somebody loves her ..... and - wonderfully - incredibly - divinely - it will be her mommy and daddy ... the McRae family will never even enter her mind! HOW AMAZING THIS GIFT OF GIVING!!!

I could see all of these images in my heart as we shopped! And a crazy kind of excitement and joy carried me through the aisles! What a glorious gift it was to me that God had given my little family the ability to do even this one thing!

I LOVE CHRISTmas!

Be Merry!

Kalena Christmasing

Oh Yeah - Jesus is the Reason for ALL the seasons! :)

Every Husband A Hero - Part 2

2009-10-01T12:59:00.002-04:00

Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas is truly one of the best fiction books I have ever read. It was given to me by my sister Teri some years ago when I was getting ready to get the long flight home from one of our cross country escapades. Well, in the middle of my conversations with God about my life - in particular my relationships and more specifically my relationship with my husband - I found this book in one of my file cabinets during a long over due clean out. Immediately, I knew what I was looking for from the text. It reads as follows:

Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls. These balls are called work, family, health, friends and integrity. And you're keeping all of them in the air. But one day you finally understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls - family, health, friends, integrity - are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered. And, once you truly understand the lesson of the five balls, you will have the beginnings of balance in your life.

My five balls are named faith, family, friends, health and busyness. Faith is my personal relationship with God, through our Lord Jesus Christ and comes before everything else in my life. Family begins with my husband, then my kids, then everyone else the Lord has blessed my inner circle of life with. Friends are the people I know and associate with, but don't have a meaningful relationship. Health is my own and the three men in my home. Busyness is EVERYTHING ELSE!

The bulk of my busyness comes through my kids - School, Homework, School Projects, School Fundraisers, Book Club, Bike Club, Accelerated Reader, this field trip, that whatever else, TaeKwon Do, Football Practice, Football Games. When I was working, that list was compounded with everything that having a job meant. And, whenever anybody would call or e-mail and say Karen could you? I never had the heart to tell them no, so I piled something else on the top of my "I HAVE" to do this list. What I realized, when my work season ended, was that in all of my "involvement", I was not spending any quality time with my children, and my husband nearly had to wear a name tag just for my benefit. He had turned into that guy that I bumped into when I went to bed at night. (Thank God I learned how to catch at an early age, because I was dropping balls like it was cool!) The other thing I learned was that if I couldn't do something, somebody else would - or it would still be there when I could get to it.

In our Tuesday morning conversation at the Cafe, Lisa and I were talking about our husbands, and how thankful we are to God that we have them. Understanding they are just as imperfect as we are, but fully recognizing that without them, we would not have the freedoms we have to get together on Tuesday mornings to enjoy our time in the Lord together - or pretty much anything else for that matter.

Understand, I could make it through this life without my husband - I just don't want to, and, in that, the time I spend with him doing what he wants to do has become more important to my life than doing the things I want. I have not perfected this, and don't know if I ever will; because, I keep finding myself getting in the way. It's an ongoing, growing process that requires much grace and pruning. I don't always like it, and I don't always yield; but, I am completely aware of the significance and importance of my efforts ..... BECAUSE ..... the humbleness of my previous statement comes in the full knowledge that my husband could also live out his life WITHOUT ME!!!!

Because of the things God has shown me, the ball of busyness gets launched high into the sky, because it will bounce where it bounces; but, it will bounce back. The balls of health and friends get thrown some where not as high, but the balls of faith and family barely leave my hands. For damaging one of those ..... well ..... I don't even know how to finish the thought.

They barely leave my hands.

Living,
Learning,
Loving
and
Laughing,

Kalena Juggling

Every Husband A Hero - Part 1

2009-10-01T12:52:00.002-04:00

The following entry was written by my beloved friend, Mary Ellen, for her Women of Grace Minute that she does every month for her church in California. I did no editting, because I believe it was perfectly written by this beautiful lady. I am posting it, because it is part one of an ongoing area of attention I am currently addressing with our Lord.

Enjoy!

Kalena Wifing

Strong as Metal

My husband and I were talking the other night, and as I started to drift into sleep, I was thinking about how thankful to God I am for giving me this strong man to protect and take care of me.

It made me think about my relationship with him and how men are like metal or iron. Stay with me for a minute.......metal/iron is strong, and can withstand a lot, but there is something that can destroy metal and that is rust. Rust is an erosion process that eats away at the metal, and most of the time it starts small. How many of you have ever seen something totally covered in rust? Even though it is covered and the metal still seems strong, it is being eaten away at constantly.

Ladies, I want to suggest to you that we have a part as to how strong we want our husbands to be for us. It's by the way we show them respect and how are words and actions come across to them. In 1Thes.5:11 it says "Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

I know that there have been several times in my marriage that I have been more like rust to my husband and the corrosion has eaten away at our marriage. Thankfully, I have a Heavenly Father that has been able to change my heart towards this man HE has brought into my life, and has had to use some really strong stuff to get rid of the rust that I have spread.

Part of what HE has used has been Humility. HE has had to break my pride and show me that my way is NOT always the right way........big surprise, I know...but true! In James chapter 4:6 says "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." I don't know about you but I certainly don't want God on the opposite side of me, especially when it comes to my marriage!

Another verse that HE uses to help teach me to not even start with the "rust" is Proverbs 31:12, and it says "She brings him good and not harm all the days of her life." This tells me to keep a close watch on the attitude of my heart and what I say and do BEFORE I say and do it. Have you ever heard of Rust-Oleum? It is rust-preventative paint. I guess you would call this verse our "Spiritual Rust-Oleum".

Ladies, I know this is not easy and I certainly do NOT have this one down! But it is a command, and in Ephesians 5:33 that says " the wife MUST respect her husband." Remember God's ways are not our ways, and HIS thoughts are not our thoughts AND HE has never been wrong! So, maybe there is something to this respect thing. I do know for a fact that when Ron feels respected by me the love that comes from him is amazing!!

I remember when I was praying for a husband and I remember that one thing I prayed for was a man that would not only stand up for me but also one that would stand up to me. Because believe it or not, I like a big strong man to take care of and protect me and our family, and I have a feeling deep down inside you do too!

Chester Cheetah

2009-09-24T12:49:00.003-04:00

Some years ago Cheetos had that crazy looking cheetah, Chester, on their Cheetos commercials. He was always getting chased and attacked from crazier looking cartoon kids for the Cheetos. At the end of every commercial, he would be defeated and dazed and say - it ain't easy being cheesy. Y'all remember those?Well ..... I had a thought today - maybe our old friend Chester should have stayed off Rat Avenue ..... And, I say that because this week I have been entrenched as a long standing Rat Avenue Resident, and Chester keeps weaseling out in front of me in Sharp Cheddar underwear!!!

People ..... BRING ON THE GRATER, IT IS SNACK TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know, I spent this past weekend in St Louis at the Love Revolution conference with my family. It was truly a divine weekend for the women in my family that was able to attend, and I came home full of all kinds of love, understanding and other heavenly things too numerous to count. Wouldn't you know the Chester Cheetah of all Chesters (Liar, liar pants on fire devil) was waiting. If there is anything that can trip me up from my love walk with God, it is somebody messing with my kids ..... and my FIRST act back in the Mom Squad was dealing with an attack against Malcolm.

Y'all know my boy ..... loving, compassionate, respectful ..... everything Mark and I have taught him to be. Well ..... from the day he started school down here, when he was in third grade, that boy has been fighting - EVERYDAY - just to have his place in life. He has been tormented, bullied, beat on, lied about, whatever else you can think of. Amazingly, every day he gets up with hope in his heart that it's going to be a better day, giving all of these nasty kids a new chance, and I have spent too many days seeing him defeated and deflated. That boy has the heart of a lion!!! My son is my hero in ways I cannot even begin to explain.

Well, Monday afternoon, he got in the truck and handed me an envelope that read "To The Parents of" ..... BLAH ..... YUK ..... UGH! As it turns out, he had received a day in ISS - In School Suspension - for a shoving match he got into on Friday. OK ..... he broke the rules, put his hands on another student, consequence. Move On!

Now the rest of the story ......

Another kid intentionally tripped him in PE. He and the other boy pushed and shoved back and forth. Teacher got close by, and the situation diffused. The boys go back into the locker room, change clothes for next period, sit and wait for the bell to ring. Bell Rings, and THEN ..........

This other student walked up BEHIND Malcolm, comes around to the side and punches him in the arm and IN HIS FACE!!!!!!! Oh, ok, THAT explains the bruise on his left cheek!!!!!!!!!!!!

ENTER QUEEN KALENA DIA, MOTHER OF ALL VERMIN, MAYOR OF RAT AVENUE!!!

Long story short ..... after Malcolm checked in for next period, he told the teacher what had happened, and she sent him down to see the Asst Principal. He wasn't there, so he was sent to see the Principal. As the story goes, the Principal had only a minute for him, because he had to get outside for Bus Duty!!!!! Are we serious????? The investigation unfolded on Monday, and Malcolm ended up with ISS, because he reported an incident he was involved in.

Long story even shorter .....

ENTER WATASH ..... OUR MARINE'S MARINE ..... RIGHTER OF WRONGS ..... MESS WITH MY KIDS, AND I'LL BREAK MY FOOT OFF IN YOUR (whatever needs to have a foot broken off in it)!!!!!

We are now waiting for a return phone call from the Deputy Super-Intendent of Schools to schedule a sit down to find out WHAT THE HECK????????????

Folks, pray for my son and pray for this public school system!!!!!!

Love, Love, Love

Kalena on D-Con

Football in America

2009-09-24T12:19:00.003-04:00

I LOVE THIS TIME OF YEAR!!!!!

Fall is awakening on the East Coast, and there are magnificent signs of red and gold peeking out of the normal greenscape of the summertime. Shortly, the entire scene will be brushed with a harvest rainbow! I love the cool crisp mornings of the fall and the times during the day and evening where it isn't quite cold enough for a coat, but a hoodie or a light jacket is draped across the arms of everyone you see on their daily ventures. I love seasonal changes, and, if I had to list them by preference --- fall would be at the top of my list! Change is absolutely beautiful, and how creation works where a landscaping of complete green can turn to such a magnificent array of color is amazing to me! It's also during this time that Fall Festivals are in abundance in Virginia, and I love the atmosphere of walking and watching families together either hunting for that perfect pumpkin, or going on hay rides. Such fun!!!!

It's also during September that the sports world comes alive in our home. The Yankees are playing September Ball with purpose and the NFL has begun a new season!!! Added bonus for Mom and Dad around these parts is that this is the first year that both Malcolm and Mackenzie have laced up their cleats and headed for the Grid Iron!!! I absolutely do not have the words for what it does to my heart to see my kids out there in life and doing!!!! And .... there is just something about football in America that does something to the human heart! If football ain't your thing, I cannot explain it, but I can tell you this ..... there is no doubt in my mind that my God in Heaven is a huge Football Fan!!!!!

I don't think he pulls for a particular team (OK, maybe the Saints, but that sounded a little too obvious to say). I don't think He's sitting up there in Heaven keeping secrets from Himself about the outcome of the games, so He can be as excited about a down to the wire, fourth quarter comeback as we are. I think He smiles equally on all the teams, all the players and all the fans!!! The same way I feel my heart filled with love and joy at watching Malcolm and Mackenzie battle it out on Saturday morning - that's the way I believe God watches. A loving Heavenly Father watching His children have a game of pick up, if you will!

I also believe God created football! How else can you explain a Washington Redskins fan telling me in the airport how happy he was that our Giants beat the Cowboys Sunday night! Or a Cowboys fan in the grocery store two weeks ago telling me he was pulling for our Giants against the Skins! With tailgate parties and BBQs --- football is ALL about the fellowship! It opens doors for people who otherwise would never even speak to strike up a conversation. Something about this play, that player, this week's games. Did you see this? Can you believe that? Man, when I played ..... AND ..... in a truly divine way, it creates and strengthens bonds between Fathers and Sons like nothing you can ever explain. And, we ALL know God is all about Father/Son relationships!!! Daughters, too, of course, but we know.

Football is common ground that the majority of Americans stand on, reminding all of us that we're not so different after all!

Yep, there is just something about Football in America!

Much, Much Love .....

Kalena in the Huddle

In Simon's Shadow --- Update

2009-09-16T23:49:00.002-04:00

All in God's Timing .....

Some weeks ago, after posting In Simon's Shadow, I wrote a letter to Pastor Chewning specifically about that day on the bay in 1986. My intention was to mail it immediately upon completing it, but, for any of you who know me ..... I have a severe allergic reaction to the Post Office! :) And, it didn't happen!

Well, I did finally get it in the mail, and, although I hoped to hear back from him wasn't really waiting expectantly. Much to my joy, I received a short note from Pastor Chewning in the mail today, thanking me for writing and telling me he received my letter the LAST SUNDAY MORNING he would ever preach, as he is now retired.

Beautiful heart that he is, he found Pastor Westbury for me, called him, told him about my letter, and tomorrow I will be writing Pastor Westbury, as he requested Pastor Chewning give me his contact information; because, he would love to hear from me!!!!

I have an unexplicable excitement about sharing with this Pastor the impact his ministry has had on my life!

Hope lives on the Horizon of the Heart!!!!

Kalena Rejoicing

The Bigger They Are .....

2009-09-16T22:46:00.002-04:00

I love Tuesday Mornings at the HeBrews Cafe .....

For those of you who can't be there ..... I pray you have moments throughout the week that bless you and uplift you the way every one of you should be. It's kind of funny how I found my way to such a place that was established in 1820, but I have. The past few days have been emotionally exhausting and spiritually draining for me, and, more than in weeks past, I was desperately in need of the fulfillment I get at the "Home of the Original Heavenly Blend".

This week my Bible Study was on the story of David and Goliath. We have all heard the old addage "the bigger they are, the harder they fall", and, in the Christian community Goliath's fall is second only to Adam's. We've all heard the story and could relay it with ease, but I wonder how many of us actually KNOW the ending of that account. Yes, David slew the mighty giant with his slingshot and one stone. Though David picked up a few ...... God used the FIRST stone to bring the enemy down! BUT ..... and this is an enormous BUT ...... that is not the end of the story, though this is where most Sunday School stories end. The story actually ends when David, having killed Goliath, walks over to him, takes his (Goliath's) sword out of its sheath and cuts his head off in front of the ENTIRE Philistine Army!!!! Then David puts the head in a bag to take it to Saul ..... AND ..... took Goliath's Sword and Shield and kept them! A ruddy kid who had just moments ealrier been chastised by his older borthers for even being there!

The summary of the Bible Lesson is this: by force, the Philistines had occupied land that belonged to Judah. They were squatters and trespassers, and, when the Israelite Army went to confront them - they were afraid. For forty days and forty nights, Goliath taunted and tormented them. Until a young boy standing firmly on the truth of who God is and his faith in Him rewrote history (His Story). God said ENOUGH and sent the most unlikely of characters to represent Him.

As children of God, it is imperative that we recognize and face our own Goliaths. Whomever or whatever those Goliaths are - they are trespassers and have no right to be there!!!! Though most times, they seem unconquerable, they challenge us, defeat us, until finally we lose the heart to fight! Then ..... they master us, and, even though we know this defeat is not the abundant life Christ called us to, we feel we have no freedom to change and that we are stripped of our strength and power.

What we must realized is that the facts are not always what they seem to be. Even though our observations are real, many times it is not the ultimate reality. In this case, what the Israelite Army had been trying to do for many days wasn't working. Out of fear of defeat, the greatest thing they chose to do was nothing. Much the same way how we do things in life, I suppose. Facing many situations we tend to try to do nothing and just keep the peace. Well, my friends, there is nothing in Scripture about "keeping" the peace. The Beatitudes say "Blessed are the peace MAKERS". Throughout history, every peace agreement ever signed came at the end of a ferocious battle! If we have been trying to do something over and over and it is constantly met with rebuttal and refusal, maybe we need to change what we're doing. Saul tried to get David to wear his own personal armor into the battle, and David said no. The armor hadn't worked for Saul, and it wasn't working for him.

David walked into the battle armed truly with nothing more than the Word of God, God's name and his knowledge that God is ALWAYS FAITHFUL to the truth. This week I have felt that I have spent my entire life fighting one Goliath or another ..... always fighting for a place in life that doesn't exist.

BUT GOD .....

If nothing else in my life ever changes ..... I know that I know that I know ..... this week, God said ENOUGH, and, as I slept, He built a hedge of protection around me as He took one of my Goliaths' heads!!!

In conjunction with this story, my beautiful friend reminded me today of a passage of text from the book, "The Shack". In this part of the story God is having a conversation with Mac about a bird that landed on the window sill near where they were talking. God comments that the bird flies because bird's fly. Being grounded for them is a limitation within their ability to fly. Humans, on the other hand, were created to be loved. So, for you to live as if you were unloved is a limitation - not the other way around." The God character continues with this..."Living unloved is like clipping a birds wings and removing it's ability to fly. (Life circumstances - Goliaths, if you will) have a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly..."

What God showed me in the early morning hours of today is that ..... He is indeed faithful to the truth and His love for me is unconditional in a way no human can ever express. For that ..... I stand in awe!!!!

In the Battle,

Kalena Flying

Language of Love

2009-09-03T21:59:00.002-04:00

OK ..... so in my readings, I have decided to rescan all of the books I have read over the past months, going through them again high lighting and underlining the parts that have touched my heart the most.

My venture right now is going back through "The Noticer", the first book I read by Andy Andrews. I have a particular attraction to this book, because the setting is just a few miles west of Pensacola, an area that I know well, and can envision as I read. In my life, I have heard and seen many things about love languages - the way people receive and feel loved - and categories and such, but this author put the words down in such a way that I immediately recognized the people in my life by them. He gives four main types ... puppy dogs, cats, canaries and goldfish. See if you can find yourself in his descriptions.

Puppy dogs - Puppy dogs know and feel they are loved by spoken words of approval. Think about it, tell a puppy how wonderful he is and his whole body wags. Nothing - and I mean nothing - is more devastating than words of disapproval spoken in an angry tone of voice. The same way a dog cowers under attack is the same way people who fall under this language type respond.

Cats - Cats need physical contact to know they are loved. Cats don't really pay attention to direction from anyone - they do their own thing, but when they need love they rub against their owners, walking around their legs and feet feeling loved by the touch. Other than that they are independent.

Canaries - Canaries feel loved through attention - quality time. Touch, words of endearment or gifts don't matter much, these types of people really only care about you spending time together with them. Canaries that are ignored die - not from a lack of food, but from a lack of love and attention.

Goldfish - Goldfish feel loved through favors and deeds. They don't necessarily need words of affirmation or to be touch. Women feel loved because their husbands take the trash out, or trim the bushes they've asked about. Men feel loved, because the house is clean and dinner is cooked.

Pretty simple stuff, if you think about it, but it's an amazing view point. The beauty is that once you figure out who these people are in your life, you will know how to make sure they always KNOW they are loved in a way THEY understand. Like I said, I saw a lot of the people in my life through these explanations. I know for sure I am raising Sylvester and Tweety in my home! Explains a whole lot if you've ever tried to talk to me on the phone when the boys are home! And, I also know why our house always seemed like a zoo when I was growing up!!!!! LOL

As for me .......

I think I am a nasty mutt mix of all four - a cadogishary! :)

Much love and prayers for Ciera!!!!

Kalena Loving

Seasons Change

2009-08-31T22:31:00.003-04:00

So ..... the final week of the summer season is upon us. I walked outside this morning to an extremely autumnal 55 degrees adorning my Pensacola hoodie!!!!! LOVE IT!

This is my favorite time of year. We're in September ball with Yankees, and NFL kicks off next Thursday night! Life is good for folks like me! Added excitement this year is seeing BOTH of my boys suiting up for Saturdays on the Grid Iron!!!!! I can't explain it. There's just something about watching my sons do these things that boys do that makes my heart fill with love for them! And, rest assured, I will be blowing up my FB photo albums!!!

Of course, the end of summer also means the beginning of another school year! Back to school nights this week, and first day on Tuesday! As much as I have cherished every minute of this summer with the boys, I am actually embracing the time I will be apart from them. The school year always gives me time to regroup, refresh and re-energize for the next summer. I actually love these 180 days. I am thankful for the time I have during the week to be by myself and do things that I enjoy doing without having to be on "Mom Duty", or doing nothing at all and enjoying the silence. I adore my "Mom Duties", but I desperately need my "Kalena" time to be the best Mom I can be.

The biggest part of my regrouping and refreshing processes come with the re-opening of my beloved HeBrewS Cafe. It's a seasonal cafe open during the school year only. It's a simple thing really, but it is absolutely the greatest part of my Spiritual growth throughout the year! My beautiful friend Lisa and I have the most divine Tuesday lunches with the Lord ..... learning, loving, growing and sharing our lives with our ever present Father. Our Tuesdays are some of the most phenomenal church small group sessions ever!!!! Coffee and a danish taste heavenly when shared over the Bible!

Happily, it is also during this time that "Kalena Calls" goes back through the airwaves, which is my personal phone ministry that I share with some of the most wonderful Godly women I know. All of us broken and flawed, admittedly imperfect, but seeking God with fullness of heart everyday.

This season also brings a most welcomed professional change for me, as well. Expanding the tent of my creative heart for the benefit of many to the Glory of God! Looking to the horizon with grand vision and great expectation for success on multiple levels. My dreams and goals are ever attainable and my passion is ignited. The future is full of promise and my heart is firmly fixed on the One who is the Author and Finisher of my future and my faith in it!!!

Praying for Ciera!

Kalena in Season

The Traveler'sGift

2009-08-30T21:31:00.002-04:00

So, I finished my second book by Andy Andrews last week - The Traveler's Gift.

What an AWESOME read!

I just wanted to take a minute tonight and share the points that I find to be the greatest points from the text - points that can help ALL of us grow in our walk with God and our desires to be closer to Him.

The just of the story is that the main character finds himself down on his luck - the final straw in his downward spiral is losing his job - creating in him a spirit of total loss, feeling like he is an embarrassment and worthless, failing at everything, to include failing to take care of his wife and daughter. As a result, he crashes his car into a tree. When he comes to, he has begun this magnificent journey. A journey consisting of seven visits, seven strangers and seven decisions that determine personal success.

1st Decision - The buck stops here! Determine to accept responsibility for every aspect of your life, good or bad, right or wrong. There is no one else to blame for your actions and choices!

2nd Decision - Seek wisdom! A wise man cultivates a servant's spirit and guards his associations wisely! Wisdom is waiting to be found!

3rd Decision - Be a person of action! Do what is right, because it is the right thing to do! When faced with the choice of doing something or doing nothing, choose to do something!

4th Decision - Have a decided heart! Indecision limits God's ability to perform miracles through my life! He has given me a vision, and I will pursue it passionately!

5th Decision - Choose to be happy! Life is a privilege, but to live life to its fullest is a choice! God has bestowed upon me many gifts, so I will remember to be grateful and choose to be happy with where I am.

6th Decision - Choose to forgive! Forgiveness is the secret key to dissipating anger and resentment, but is only of value when it is given away! Those who have wronged me in the past are forgiven! Those who scoff at my vision, dreams and goals for the future are forgiven. It is not their fault they cannot grasp the importance of the vision God has given me. Third, and most importantly, I forgive myself! By forgiving myself, I erase doubts, fears and frustrations that have kept my past in my present! My history ceases to control my destiny!

7th Decision - Persist without exception! I am a person of great faith! Faith has no limits, because the God in whom my faith is placed has no limits! I will believe in the future that I do not see, until I see the future I believe in. I am a person of GREAT faith!!!!

In addition to these 7 Decisions, I will pay it forward and look back to bring people forward into their own success stories, as well. I love when God uses simple words in a simple text to show life altering meaning. God met me right where I needed Him, like He always does, with this book. I read it last Monday, after my tumultuous Spiritual battles last weekend!!!!!

I definitely recommend this book for anyone who's Spirit is looking for another step forward out into the unknown abyss of faith!!!!!

Much Love!

Kalena Deciding

Resolve

2009-08-24T00:17:00.002-04:00

Man ..... am I ever going through it tonight!!!!!

SAND BURN! (This only makes sense if you've read my posts from yesterday)

As I said, I love the moments alone with God! In honesty though, I don't like the stretching, and tonight I feel like Mr Fantastic or Elastigirl from the Incredibles!

In a nutshell .....

My Story .....

Growing up in our house was never without its drama. Many times I have noted that I was angry A LOT in those days. On the rare occasion that I actually reflect back, it's amazing to me that I lived to be 42 years old. Parental guidance was conflicted in our house, and many times it felt as though we were raising ourselves. That, in itself, explains a lot about my personality. The rest is explained in the character of my parents. My mom was a devout Christian - making sure we were raised in church, always reading her Bible, praying more times than I can count and was submitted to my dad to a fault. Now, what she prayed, why she prayed or how she prayed, I do not know. Dad was an alcoholic, a scoundrel and a tyrant - with no affiliation to church or God at all. In all my living with him, I only saw my dad drunk three times, but I NEVER saw him sober. His days began in the morning with Crown Royal and ended at night with a Miller High Life pony. Alas, these were my role models, and the Spiritual Battles that ensued because of their faiths, or lack there of, wreaked daily havoc on the lives of all of us kids. Hence my anger.

What I escaped from their house with caused years of turmoil in my own life. Never having been taught the dangers of drinking or the power of prayer, I drank myself into a lot a really bad moments, to include jail on my 27th birthday, and offered up some ridiculous prayers on the chance that God would actually answer them and get me out of trouble ...... again and again. Not having enough knowledge to know that if I prayed first, I could have avoided the situations I kept finding myself in.

Tonight, I have met my resolve.

Growing up in church, Preacher Carter always talked about the Power of God and how God is in Control. NOT IN OUR HOUSE! Daddy was in control of that circus ..... trust! Many times in services, he would talk about fearing the Lord. Never knew what it meant, but I didn't like the sound of that, either. Now, you understand, I was saved. I had full knowledge that Jesus died for me. Came into that knowledge when I was 11, and never doubted it. What I knew was that Jesus loved me, so me and Jesus were OK. BUT ..... God on the other hand ..... God was the judger, and I had enough of that in the hell we lived in between Sundays. No thanks! So I lived clinging to the cross and not much else for a long time.

What I know tonight is that with ALL of the Christians I know, or have known in my life, my Dad has had the biggest impact on my walk with God ..... more so than any of them. This explains exactly why it took 22 years before I realized that receiving salvation and making Jesus Lord of my life weren't the same thing. It explains exactly why my twenties are a blur of night clubs, drinking and parties. It explains exactly why my life was continuously upside down. I escaped from the hell I was comfortable with and went out in to the big bad world totally unprepared for anything. I was angry at my parents, angry at our family for not even attempting to help and I was angry at God for allowing my life to be what it was. In the earthly view, God had no authority in our house, and He definitely wasn't in charge of anything. So, when I got out on my own, I had little to no experience of the love of God and didn't know enough to even want to go to Him when I should have. More than anything else, it was the "Fear the Lord" thing. I knew what fear was. I had lived in it every day of my life, and had NO desire to voluntarily agree to it continuing. As a child, I had no choice. As an adult, I did, and I wasn't having it.

Sitting here right now, I find myself in conflict. There is an overwhelming urge to pick up the phone and call Daddy, even Mom, but mostly Dad, and cuss him out for everything. Give him the what for - letting him know that ALL of my crap really belongs to him. I choose not to.

I have no idea why God ever allowed all those days of hopelessness to persist in our house. I have no idea why the ugliness had to get even uglier before it ended, and why God allowed us kids to have to go through all of the pain, fear and suffering that we did. Coming into the epiphany I had tonight, I'm not sure I want to know.

Here is what I have resolved in my heart ..... God knew before He ever sent me here what my life would be. I also believe that I, too, knew. The Bible says before God formed me in the womb, He knew me. The Bible also tells us that ALL creation was completed in Genesis. I wasn't born until 1966, so I believe I knew Him, too. The reason I was so willing to come here into this family is because I agreed in the presence of the Lord, where Unconditional Love abounds. Because there was no question that God loved me, there was no concern that He would send me in harm's way. As a created being of God, before being born, I had no knowledge of what living here would actually be, so my trust in God and His goodness assured me that I would be ok. It wasn't until I was actually away from the tangible presence of God that I faltered. (I know these are deep waters, and I will cover them in a later blog; but, I needed to touch on them for a moment in this story). Now that I have come back to God's Unconditional Love, I know again, that I will be ok. It started with God, and it will end with Him.

I have resolved that if it took all of those years of unhappiness to bring me to where I am today, it was all worth it; and, I would live it all over again - THE SAME WAY - to get to where I am with God! Because, I am with God! I may not understand all of it, but I am not lost! I can live my life under a solid woah is me, or I can learn and grow and move forward. I refuse to be a victim of those childhood circumstances. Instead, I choose to allow those times to make me stronger and better than I have been in days before. And, now, when thinking about Daddy and all of those fearful, painful sad days .....

Having the realization that our Jesus died on that Cross by the hand of God - nothing that I can think of makes holding on to the bad worth it. How could I ever believe it would be ok to look the Lord in His face and say "but, you don't know what my daddy did to me" .....

In Resolution,

Kalena Smiles

Vantage Point

2009-08-23T21:22:00.002-04:00

I saw the movie "Vantage Point" some time ago. What I found most interesting about the movie is the truth that came from realizing how multiple people can look at the same thing and see something entirely different from each other. With that in mind, I'm going to tell you a story - a true story - but ... I'm going to add a different vantage point at the end.

Growing up with my Dad was no easy task. Dysfunctional on good days and hell on the bad! However, this story is about the ONE MOMENT in time when my Dad was my hero!

Although my hometown is Pensacola, I have lived most of my life away from the Sugar White sands of the Gulf Coast. When I was a kid, my family always managed to make our way home at least once a year - mostly in the summer, but on an occasional holiday, as well. In my teenage years, we gravitated away from Pensacola east to Destin. One of my favorite places on the Gulf Coast is the Holidome located immediately on the beach, complete with indoor/outdoor pools, a gym, awesome continental breakfast. Everything you would want a hotel to be, including a revolving restaurant on the top floor of the dome.

In the summer of 1985, my family stayed there for a week. Life was good! On the day of this story, my younger sister and I were laying in the sun on the deck that led to the beach, in the back of the hotel. Some guy - some drunk guy - OK, some really drunk guy came walking up the boardwalk towards where we were at. It was no mystery just exactly how drunk he was, because had wet his pants and was drinking Jack Daniels out of a glass bottle that had the top broken off.

We saw him coming, but neither of us expected him to stagger all the way to where we were and practically fall on top of my sister. We kind of jumped out of the way and walked away from him. He was saying something - don't really remember what, but something perverse. Before we knew what was fully happening, my Dad came bolting out of the hotel and dealt with the man in a way only a Daddy can over his girls.

No matter what else had happened up to that moment in my life, and regardless of what has happened since ..... for that single moment in time, MY DAD WAS A HERO!!! HE WAS MY HERO!!! He was everything every little girl dreams about in her Daddy!

Enter the Twist ... The Rest of The Story ... The End of the Story

The reason Dad got out the door of the hotel so quickly is because he had been occupying his time by drinking inside the hotel, and the bar was right beside the beach access. After he helped us collect our things, our entire family retired to our rooms, with my sister and I receiving an onslaught of verbal abuse about how the whole incident was our fault for wearing our suits and tanning. Something about what did we expect would happen when we showing our bodies to drunk men? WHATEVER!

Truth is ... there are a thousand of these stories from my life. Stories that, though they have good moments indicating a happy childhood, always ended with the proverbial "other shoe" dropping. There was always a catch or a consequence! The problem is that these stories have laid the framework for who I am and carved the mindset I took into early adulthood. Looking back, the damage I see now is the same damage I saw then.

ENTER GRACE .....

Is it really important to my story that my Dad was drinking in the middle of the afternoon on a family vacation with his wife and four kids? Is it really important to my story that I was accused of things I knew weren't true? Is it really important to my story that Daddy tried to make me believe it was my fault some man, I did not even know, got drunk, wet his pants and nearly fell on me and my sister? Even then, I knew I was the victim of circumstance, if you will.

What if I CHOOSE to change my vantage point on this and every other story like it? What if I CHOOSE to pull out all the bad - not deny it - and only focus on those moments that brought joy into my life? I shudder to imagine the positive impact this could have on my life. The positive impact this could have on the lives of those around me. Not changing my testimony, you understand, but changing my vantage point; so, that those who hear my story will be shown a better way out of their own personal hell, and, hopefully, won't have to lose 24 years of their own life searching for the way out. What if?

So, on that day in 1985, my Dad was my hero!!!! And, that's all I'm gonna say about that!

Much Love,

Kalena Choosing

Crossroads

2009-08-23T18:20:00.003-04:00

What would you do if you woke up one morning and realized everything you thought you knew about God was, at the least, misunderstood, or, even more frightening, completely wrong? I find myself at just this junction in life, praying wholeheartedly for simple misunderstanding - yet coming into full realization that more than likely - the vast majority of my understanding fails to line up with what the Scriptures ACTUALLY say.

Yet - I stand in the face of this controversial shift - UNAFRAID!!!!!

Of this, I am sure - Jesus is the only begotten Son of God, born of a virgin, died on Calvary's Cross for my sins, arose from the grave on the third day, and now sits at the right hand of our Heavenly Father. More over, some day in the near, or distant, future will return in full visible manifestation as Lord of Lords and King of Kings to rule this world for eternity! In Earth as In Heaven, as the prayer reads.

That is where my certainty ends!

I find myself often times standing alone in the desert with God suffering through the sand burn of pruning, stretching and growing! As beautiful as these moments alone with Him always are, they leave me much frustrated comparing the way things are to the ways things should be. Though they leave Spiritually explosive, I find myself physically exhausted. Though the fullness of grace and mercy abound, my tolerance for things ungodly is severely decreased.

So, I pose the question, what is to be of the Children of God who seek to be 1st Century Christians in this era of time? I cannot bring myself to believe that this life, though fleeting, serves no purpose but to carry us to the hereafter. The Bible says that Eternal Life is knowing God and the Son whom He sent (that's red letter New Testament text from the Garden of Gethsemane, John 17:3). The Apostle Paul tells us that The Kingdom of God is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17).

With that said - what are we waiting for? Heaven? Eternity? The Rapture? According to those two scriptures alone - those of us who have received God's gift of Salvation have already come into Eternal Life. It is Here and NOW!!!!! The Kingdom of God is already here - in this life - the Holy Spirit alive in us!!!!! How are we taking care of it? Sitting around talking about when the Lord returns or getting in the dregs and walking it out?

How would we change our view of this life if we ever fully came into the realization that our Eternity began at Salvation? As opposed to believing the misconception that all of this is going to go away when Jesus returns, so it doesn't really matter? If the plan of God truly is to restore man unto Himself, restore man unto each other and restore creation - which I believe it is - then we need to look at things from an eternal perspective. The restoration process began 2000 years ago on Calvary and will continue until the coming of our Lord. It is our turn to take up the cross and carry it forward. Not merely for the saving of souls - the Bible is very clear that only God has the power to save anyone - more over by walking as the redeemed children of God - projecting His love in a way that those who see will open themselves up to Him to receive His Son.

Life is a movie, taken from The Greatest Story Ever Told!!!! What we must face individually, and collectively, is that it is not about us! It never has been! That it not to say that to God it's not about me or you or us! Because it is! He loves nothing better than to be with each of us every single second of every single day! He wants to be with us! In relationship and love - the way things were in the Garden before the fall! What I'm saying here, for example - is that to me, it can NEVER be about me, not what I say, not what I do. To me it has to be ALL about Him - no compromise, no negotiation! The way I live that is by making it about everyone else around me! My life is God's story, and I am a supporting actress character, at best!

EVERYTHING WE DO ON THIS EARTH MATTERS!!!! (It matters now, and it will matter through out eternity!)

One of the most beautiful things about coming to this place with God, is that there is a freedom that comes through Jesus and the Holy Spirit that is a scary thing. Fear flees! To approach life as a fearless child of the One True Living God is a dangerous thing!!!!! Because, you truly come to a place where you genuinely DO NOT CARE what the world thinks or says! And you will stand in the face of adversity without waivering and take it head on! UNAFRAID!

God is, and nothing can lead you away from that fact!
His truth is the only truth, and there is no compromise!
Jesus came, and He is coming back!

I am settled on these truths, so I seek the journey ahead with fear and trembling; because, I know my God is leading the way. He is Powerful! He is Awesome! His love for me is unending, and He will guide me into His perfect will for my place in His life!!!

From the Desert of Truth,

Kalena Learns

In Simon's Shadow

2009-08-16T22:59:00.002-04:00

So, I have spent a great part of today thinking about my life ..... where I've been ..... where I'm going ..... what the heck I'm doing. And, it occurred to me that WHO I am is the most important aspect of all of these things. Loud, Eccentric, A Type personality ..... completely full of myself. Somewhere in my revelatory moments I realized just how much I love Simon Peter. Much like me, he is the greatest Biblical example of "Open Mouth, Insert Foot" kind of guy around. I wondered for a minute if Jesus actually laughed out loud that night in the garden knowing that Peter's dying declaration was full of passion but a zero bust on follow through. I can kind of imagine a hardy gafaw that the Gospels so lovingly left from their texts to minimize the humility of what was to come. Amazingly, this is the one account of Simon Peter's interacting with the Lord that is covered in ALL FOUR Gospels. Peter walked on water, and only Matthew gave note to mention it, but NO ONE missed this monumental fall of Peter. We love Simon Peter, much like Jesus does; because, it is very easy to understand the heart's desire to be "All In" for our Jesus, and, at the same time, know the heartache of falling short.

I had the good fortune of meeting Simon Peter some years ago. In 1986, actually, I was blessed to sit in his company and listen to him talk in the most remarkable way about our Lord and what it was like to walk with Him and talk with Him ..... just to be in His presence. I have always figured Jesus to be a common looking kind of man, somebody who just could fit in with the crowd in Jerusalem, not some runway model with strikingly good looks. More of a man who became more attractive as you got to know Him. On that day, however, my heart took me far away from the boat we were on to a place where the Bible came alive and opened herself up to me so I could see. My Jesus was beautiful in every way I could think of. So deeply I wished it were me that had walked with Jesus and could talk about Him like that. So passionately I did not want that moment to end.

In truth, the beginning of my life being turned upside down had just begun. My parents had uprooted all of us kids from the town we had grown up in, our home, our church, leaving all friends, relationships, everything behind. There was anger and bitterness and ugliness everywhere. I was angry all the time, and there was nothing I could do about it; because, I was a kid. I wasn't in charge of anything, but was reaping a consequence of someone else's choices.

As always, God showed up to carry us kids through a part of our journey no one else wanted. He came to us that year through Brother Roy Chewning, who was the temporal Pastor at the church most of our family went to. Brother Chewning was different from any other pastor I had ever known, because he taught us through the most peculiar ways that we could actually have FUN in our loving the Lord and still be loving our Lord. A thing I had never even given thought to. Church was serious business and there was no place for fun, as far as I knew. Brother Chewning opened a Spiritual door for me, I have never allowed to close. My blessed encounter with Peter was cast by the hands of this man. On that particular day, he chartered a fishing boat over in Perdido Key for our Youth Group. We all loaded in the vans at Klondike Baptist and road for what seemed an eternity ( I remember singing that song "On My Own" by Patti LaBelle and Michael McDonald), got out and climbed on to this smelly fishing boat and sat down. OK ..... we were going for a boat ride. Cool enough! I HAD NO IDEA just how cool this boat ride was about to become.

Not long after we all sat down in our little school circle, out walked this remarkable looking man, dressed in first century attire, with an air of almost floating across the deck of the boat. And, he was a BIG guy .... broad shouldered, solid weight guy! When he situated himself in the middle of our half circle and looked up to begin speaking, he appearance became even more mezmorizing because one of his eyes was silverish white. He was captivating to look at, and, strangely, he didn't seem at all out of place in that cloak. BUT ..... when he began speaking ..... I completely lost touch with time and reality. His words about our Lord and the relationship he had with Him carried me across continents and through time, and I - Karen Elaine Johnson - I was truly on the Sea of Galilee, lost in the words of this man who had lived with my Lord and loved Him in a way I had never heard of. I couldn't tell you how long he talked, and I don't even remember what he said anymore. All I know is that it was real, and I was there! It wasn't until he finished speaking that I actually regained reality of time and location.

The experience has never left me. Many days in my life I have dreamed to be back on that boat, on our Lord's Sea. Many times I have searched myself to recapture that moment. There have been others since, but none like that day. Yet, I keep searching ..... to get myself to that place God is leading me ..... to have that kind of understanding of His love ..... not to just know that He loves me ..... but to recapture that 1st Generation Christian walk in this 21st Century brokenness ..... to follow in Simon's Shadow, that God will be so clear to people through me that they come into the full understanding of being in relationship with Him just because they hear me speak.

With Much Love .......

Kalena in Kenosis

Today's trailer - I have recently learned that the wonderful man who sat as Simon Peter on that boat that day is Pastor Mike Westbury. In 1986, he served as the Youth Pastor at East Brent Baptist. He has since moved to Texas. It is in my heart to find him just to let him know the impact that afternoon, all those years ago has had on my life.

Going Home

2009-08-13T14:37:00.000-04:00

Last day in South Florida. It has been another KalenaDia adventure, but I am really looking forward to being back at home. I have found a magnitude of photo ops down here, but will have to return on another day when stop, focus, shoot is more tolerated. Ft Lauderdale is definitely not what I had always imagined. The days of "Spring Break" in Lauderdale obviously reached there apex many years ago. Hollywood is not "all the scene" I heard about growing up either. Down here, these places are cities that happen to be on the beach, as opposed to the peaceful slow paced beach city atmosphere. Miami Beach is nice, but South Beach is by far the most happening place I found. Awesome photography can come out of that little strip as long as you don't mind the occasional fashion faux pas - apparently swim tops are optional and thong bottoms are ALL THE RAGE!! Lots of neon on Ocean Drive and night time is the time to shoot down there. Of course, I was there midday. UGH!

I made it successfully the two hour trip through the Everglades yesterday to find the allusive Sanibel Island the Travel Channel spoke so highly of, just south of Fort Myers. Seashells are in abundance like I have never seen, but, at the end of the day, my sugar white sands on Pensacola make these beaches look like swamp land! However, it still makes my list of things to do with my husband and kids. I mean - the beach is the beach! :)

Although I can say, just like I always do in Pensacola, I walked hand in hand with the Lord yesterday at Sanibel. And, like always happens, He showed up right when I needed Him to. I have had a great time this week, venturing to see things I have never seen, going places I've never been; but it's ok for it to come to an end. When I was in Pensacola with Mark and the boys in June, I prayed for time to stand still and for us to be able to stay there forever. My heart is so alive on that beach, and I smile alot more easily and frequently than I do other times. When the opportunity came to make this trip, I felt very fortunate and extremely excited. Two beach trips in the same summer! Woo! Woo! Yet, I find myself looking forward to the plane ride home tomorrow, more than I than I did the trip itself. Today I find myself even more fortunate that I have my little Mountain Oasis to return to.

So .... the journey continues ......

Kalena The Traveler

And, uh, oh yeah - yesterday on Sanibel, the Lord assured me that He is very fond of Pensacola, also! :)

Unconditionally

2009-08-05T16:02:00.000-04:00

So, I've been doing ALOT of reading lately - Christian Fiction mostly. If there is even such a thing - think about that. Christian Fiction. Kind of an oxymoronic term. Christian Fiction. I'm no rocket scientist, by any means, but I do understand that when it comes to faith and the core of Christianity - Fiction is probably the only category that Spiritual encounters and revelatory moments with God can be classified as. The greatest thing about faith is that, because it can't be evidentially proven, it can't be disproved either. WOW!!! How much I love God!

The greatest thing I've learned in all my reading is how much GOD LOVES ME! It's mind blowing actually! That with all my mistakes, shortcomings, failures and imperfections - HE KEEPS ON LOVING ME! I suppose, because I'm the only one who truly knows how long that list actually is that it means more to me than anyone reading this how HUGE His love is. BUT ... we all have our lists, and we all have our stories; and, I'm sure I'm not the only one who sits in awe of our God wondering HOW he could possibly still love me knowing what I know about myself.

Well, smack dab in the middle of my fiction reading, the Lord calmly pointed out that I am the only one surprised by my short comings. He knew everything about me from the beginning. Where I would fall short, where I would excel - every intricate detail of my existence continuing into eternity - and He sent me here from heaven, anyway. He is my HALO! He covers me, carries me and protects me continuously - even when I'm too thick to realize I need it! And ..... HE LOVES ME - UNCONDITIONALLY - in spite of myself!

Isn't that AWESOME?

Much Love,

Karen

*Sidenote* - Of all the names given to God in the Bible - HALO is my acronym from scripture- and it is my absolute favorite! It gives such a glorious image of Him that only the heart can see!

Isaiah 57:15 says "For thus saith the high and lofty One that inhabiteth eternity, whose name is Holy; I dwell in the high and holy place, with him also that is of a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones."