Oh my heart hurts!
It is my normal way, in tragedy, to find some humor in something that makes a distraction, even if only for moment, from the agony in the pain, because something has just happened that I never wanted to happen. I have always been like that, and I have had many opportunities in my life to demonstrate this ability.
Today, though, there is no humor. There is no laughter. There is only tears and anguish. My heart is too heavy for sleep. My heart is too torn for the Moms who are not sleeping tonight from the loss of their beautiful babies. My mind is stayed on the beautiful faces, I have never seen, of the innocent children the world lost in Newtown, Connecticut this morning.
I remember when my boys were in kindergarten and the things they were doing this time of year. Cutting paper stockings to hang in the hallway, making gingerbread houses with graham crackers, anxiously awaiting next week's Christmas party and getting all excited about Christmas morning that is soon approaching. I imagine those beautiful ones in Newtown were doing pretty much the same thing this morning.
I remember, also, that cold, cold day I stood on a mountainside in Marion, VA with my older sister as she buried her daughter. I am reminded today of the fact I came so close to on that day. There is no way to ever fully recover from losing a child, and I thank God that I cannot relate to this pain. Ever changed, life will go on in Newtown, and this is the greatest tragedy of all for those left to live through it.
I gain a great amount of peace knowing that these beautiful babies are all in heaven with our Lord, never to be hurt, scared or harmed again in anyway ever! However, this peace comes from a distance. I know in my heart, there are NO words available, even to the most devout in faith, to ease the pain of the families involved.
My heart weeps for the loss of tomorrows for these families!
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Friday, December 14, 2012
America Lost Today
Over the upcoming days, more and more information will unfold about the unspeakable heartbreak that took place this morning in Newtown, Connecticut. Somewhere in all that comes to light, we are going to see images of the shooter and hear sorted details about his life and why he did this or how this happened. If the media covers this the same way they cover most stories, the villain in this story will get more sensationalized coverage than the beautiful babies that left our world today by his hand. As much as I love journalism and aspire to this day to be published, I despise this about our news coverage and the fact that our country has an unsettling addiction to hearing such details above the stories of the victims in these moments. Yet, this is the condition of the heart of this country. Needing to know who he was, how he was, why he was ........... the thing is ........ I DO NOT CARE ANYTHING ABOUT HIM! I don't want to see his face on my TV. I don't want to know what his malfunction was! I ABSOLUTELY do not want to hear about his dysfunctional childhood! Don't misunderstand .... his actions and his self inflicted death reveal a disturbed something, and I'm sure his "mental" state will be the topic of much discussion. Let me make my heartfelt opinion on this crystal clear ....... this is not a "mental" moment. What we have been witness to on this day in history is pure evil. And, make NO MISTAKE on the equally important part ...... these babies are victims! Innocent and defenseless! There is NO he said she said in this tragic moment. Kindergartners who five months ago were not even old enough to even be in that classroom today. Babies! Yes, America, today we witnessed EVIL. Call it what it is!
My heart is broken for those parents. My heart is broken for that community. My heart is broken for America. Today, we lost. ALL of America lost. And, I say that to say this .........
IF THERE WAS EVER A MOMENT IN HISTORY WHERE THE REDEEMED OF THE LORD NEED TO SAY SO ......... THIS IS THAT MOMENT!!!!!!
I saw a comment today about how sad it was this happened so close to Christmas.
REALLY?
Somebody ..... Anybody ..... tell me when would have been a good time for this to happen!!!!!!
America, Church, we have gone astray ..... NOW is the time time we need to diligently and fervently fall on our knees and turn our faces back toward God and pray He heal our nation and redeem the lost among us ..... lest we, as wheat, become fully suffocated! I truly believe America was founded on Judeo-Christian principles, sanctified by God to be the great nation our history has known. As "One Nation Under God", we have been abundantly blessed ..... yet, somewhere in our history, the church fell asleep, and, while we were sleeping, the thief came in and planted weeds that are over taking our land.
If this doesn't wake us up ..... then my earnest and genuine prayer is "Come, Lord Jesus, Come"!
My heart is broken for those parents. My heart is broken for that community. My heart is broken for America. Today, we lost. ALL of America lost. And, I say that to say this .........
IF THERE WAS EVER A MOMENT IN HISTORY WHERE THE REDEEMED OF THE LORD NEED TO SAY SO ......... THIS IS THAT MOMENT!!!!!!
I saw a comment today about how sad it was this happened so close to Christmas.
REALLY?
Somebody ..... Anybody ..... tell me when would have been a good time for this to happen!!!!!!
America, Church, we have gone astray ..... NOW is the time time we need to diligently and fervently fall on our knees and turn our faces back toward God and pray He heal our nation and redeem the lost among us ..... lest we, as wheat, become fully suffocated! I truly believe America was founded on Judeo-Christian principles, sanctified by God to be the great nation our history has known. As "One Nation Under God", we have been abundantly blessed ..... yet, somewhere in our history, the church fell asleep, and, while we were sleeping, the thief came in and planted weeds that are over taking our land.
If this doesn't wake us up ..... then my earnest and genuine prayer is "Come, Lord Jesus, Come"!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Parenting 101
Last night, I had one of those fabulous moments with my boys, where they decided they needed a group hug with Mom. Those are truly fabulous moments, but one must understand that my boys are bigger than me these days; so, I have to brace myself for the onslaught to prevent injury. But ... they are my greatest moments, because they are full of laughter and joy, and, when they happen, my mind races back to when they were just little buggers bouncing around the house all full of fun and games ..... I miss those moments sometimes, but I am loving seeing the young men Malcolm and Mackenzie are becoming. I'd like to think I have more to do with that than I actually do, knowing that God has those reins, but I often gauge my parenting skills through their words and actions. I thought a lot about that today ....... how am I doing as a Mom?
I'm doing ok, I think .... keeping my head enough above the water to keep from drowning out right; but, I know I'm flailing a lot of the time ..... it's like that with kids. No handbook or directions, which calls for a ton a prayer because everyday brings a different question or concern. I'm doing the best I know to do, praying I'm not screwing them up too badly, doing permanent damage that will lead to years of therapy ..... but ..... one thing that is solid truth that will never change is ..... I AM HERE FOR THEM!!!! And, hey ..... if my kids are going to get screwed up .... it will be by their Mom who loves them unconditionally and eternally!!!! It will NOT be by some SACC instructor, YMCA leader, Daycare Provider or babysitter!!!
God gave these wonderful boys to ME and Mark!!!! It is our God given responsibility to raise them, and we WILL be accountable to God for how we do it. That is Bible Basics!!! And, I talk to them a lot about how seriously I take that responsibility.
Lately around here, the boys have asked me about going back to college .... joking about getting a PhD, so they can call me Dr. Mom, or going back to work or pursuing some of the other things they know I want to accomplish in my life, and, believe me, there is a list ..... a long list. I have dreams and goals and things I aspire to, and I think about them regularly ....... HOWEVER ........ I know in my heart that there is nothing that I can ever accomplish from that list that will ever be as important to me or as meaningful as the things I can encourage and help them accomplish, and, as a Christian parent ....... that starts with raising these two young men to grow to up to be God fearing, God honoring, God following men of valor!!!! And, if I don't take this responsibility seriously ..... I will have failed God, failed my boys and failed myself.
My dreams, goals and hopes will be there for me when the timing comes right, and, in that moment, they will manifest with all the grace of God in John 10:10 abundance that even I can't currently envision. Malcolm is my hero for reasons that only I can understand, and Mackenzie makes my heart smile in ways that come from no other place ....... and, right now, they are learning and growing at Youth Group, where I know they are learning and growing with the Godly principles I stand on daily, being reinforced by our Christian family who genuinely love and care for them.
In the Full of 101,
Kalena Parenting
I'm doing ok, I think .... keeping my head enough above the water to keep from drowning out right; but, I know I'm flailing a lot of the time ..... it's like that with kids. No handbook or directions, which calls for a ton a prayer because everyday brings a different question or concern. I'm doing the best I know to do, praying I'm not screwing them up too badly, doing permanent damage that will lead to years of therapy ..... but ..... one thing that is solid truth that will never change is ..... I AM HERE FOR THEM!!!! And, hey ..... if my kids are going to get screwed up .... it will be by their Mom who loves them unconditionally and eternally!!!! It will NOT be by some SACC instructor, YMCA leader, Daycare Provider or babysitter!!!
God gave these wonderful boys to ME and Mark!!!! It is our God given responsibility to raise them, and we WILL be accountable to God for how we do it. That is Bible Basics!!! And, I talk to them a lot about how seriously I take that responsibility.
Lately around here, the boys have asked me about going back to college .... joking about getting a PhD, so they can call me Dr. Mom, or going back to work or pursuing some of the other things they know I want to accomplish in my life, and, believe me, there is a list ..... a long list. I have dreams and goals and things I aspire to, and I think about them regularly ....... HOWEVER ........ I know in my heart that there is nothing that I can ever accomplish from that list that will ever be as important to me or as meaningful as the things I can encourage and help them accomplish, and, as a Christian parent ....... that starts with raising these two young men to grow to up to be God fearing, God honoring, God following men of valor!!!! And, if I don't take this responsibility seriously ..... I will have failed God, failed my boys and failed myself.
My dreams, goals and hopes will be there for me when the timing comes right, and, in that moment, they will manifest with all the grace of God in John 10:10 abundance that even I can't currently envision. Malcolm is my hero for reasons that only I can understand, and Mackenzie makes my heart smile in ways that come from no other place ....... and, right now, they are learning and growing at Youth Group, where I know they are learning and growing with the Godly principles I stand on daily, being reinforced by our Christian family who genuinely love and care for them.
In the Full of 101,
Kalena Parenting
Monday, September 5, 2011
But he also made me fast ...... Part 2
Okay ..... so moving forward to today (and tomorrow) ......
Again yesterday, Pastor Jay was doing Sunday Services, and, just in case what he had said last year escaped Malcolm's memory, Chariots of Fire and that awesome line ...... God made me with a purpose, but He also made me fast ...... was used in our latest teaching series.
With Malcolm starting his Freshman year of High School, soooo many thoughts flood my mind. More than anything else, I am so excited for him. He has such a solid plan and is rock solid in his goals in how to accomplish them. I know there may be bumps and hurdles along the way, but I believe that using all of those glitches as teaching moments will help him grow and progress even further along the way to achieving what he has set before him. He constantly amazes me!
The great thing about where he is right now, and where he's trying to get is that as awesome as that line from that movie is, yesterday they showed the clip in church, and what the actor actually says is this:
God made me for a purpose, but He also made me fast; and, when I run, I FEEL HIS PLEASURE!!!!!!
How stinkin awesome is that????? And what a revelation?????
From a year ago, Malcolm being afraid that if he played football, he wouldn't be able to act ...... he is now in a place where he understands that not only is God okay with him doing multiple things ...... HE ENCOURAGES IT!!!!!!!!
Yes Mal!!!! You can play in the NFL if you choose!!!!!
Yes Mal!!!! You can be an actor!!!!!
Yes Mal!!!! You can be a collegiate wrestler at UVA!!!
Yes Mal!!!! You can be a State Science Fair Champion!!!
How awesome it was for me to be able to look my son in the face and tell him, that the hopes, dreams and goals that fill his heart were put there by God, and, as long as Mal continues to honor Him and do his part, God will absolutely bless him with the manifestation of those hopes, dreams and goals!!!!!
Feeling His pleasure,
Kalena Believing
Again yesterday, Pastor Jay was doing Sunday Services, and, just in case what he had said last year escaped Malcolm's memory, Chariots of Fire and that awesome line ...... God made me with a purpose, but He also made me fast ...... was used in our latest teaching series.
With Malcolm starting his Freshman year of High School, soooo many thoughts flood my mind. More than anything else, I am so excited for him. He has such a solid plan and is rock solid in his goals in how to accomplish them. I know there may be bumps and hurdles along the way, but I believe that using all of those glitches as teaching moments will help him grow and progress even further along the way to achieving what he has set before him. He constantly amazes me!
The great thing about where he is right now, and where he's trying to get is that as awesome as that line from that movie is, yesterday they showed the clip in church, and what the actor actually says is this:
God made me for a purpose, but He also made me fast; and, when I run, I FEEL HIS PLEASURE!!!!!!
How stinkin awesome is that????? And what a revelation?????
From a year ago, Malcolm being afraid that if he played football, he wouldn't be able to act ...... he is now in a place where he understands that not only is God okay with him doing multiple things ...... HE ENCOURAGES IT!!!!!!!!
Yes Mal!!!! You can play in the NFL if you choose!!!!!
Yes Mal!!!! You can be an actor!!!!!
Yes Mal!!!! You can be a collegiate wrestler at UVA!!!
Yes Mal!!!! You can be a State Science Fair Champion!!!
How awesome it was for me to be able to look my son in the face and tell him, that the hopes, dreams and goals that fill his heart were put there by God, and, as long as Mal continues to honor Him and do his part, God will absolutely bless him with the manifestation of those hopes, dreams and goals!!!!!
Feeling His pleasure,
Kalena Believing
But He also made me fast ..... Part 1
This year, our Mal is playing Freshman Football, and he is good at it! Actually, he is great at it and shows hints of NFL caliber greatness. He hopes to play NCAA football at UVA, and I believe he is in the right school, in the right program, with the right coaches to see that come into manifestation. We only hear great things about him from the coaches. He's playing on Special Teams, and is on the scout team as a Defensive End/Linebacker. Scout team is the nice way of saying third string. The fabulous news is, the coaches love his initiative and heart and see daily improvement ........ UVA on the horizon ...... and things look really promising .....
However, this hasn't always been the case.
Two years ago, Mal played in the county league, and, for an entire season Dad and I spent nearly every practice and game pulling our hair out from the side lines. Half speed, half hearted, ba doo pa doop .... blah blah blah effort at every practice and temper temper when he wasn't in every play on game day ..... this went on ALL SEASON LONG!!!!! We were so frustrated it was unbelievable!!!!
Soooooo, last year, Dad decided to Coach .... the thinking was maybe we weren't involved enough ...... maybe Mal would pick up the pace if Dad was there with him in a leadership/coaching role, as opposed to just being there as Dad.
Hmmmmmmmmm ............
Big excitement when he found out dad was coaching ....... Big excitement when the gear was issued ....... Big excitement when practices started ...... but then ...... when the season started, I noticed that same ho hum look on his face ....... not good! So, I had a heart to heart with him on the way to school the morning after the first game. To my amazement, he was afraid that if he played football, he couldn't be an actor. And EVERYONE knows without doubt that God sent this boy down here to be an actor. We have known it as long as he has been able to speak.
So, from the hip, I blurt through a laundry list of professional football players who have also had careers as actors ..... The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Brian Bosworth, Terry Bradshaw, Brett Favre and the clincher ..... Michael Strahan, who he knows personally ..... and that seemed to ease his hesitation a bit. That, plus, I explained to him that Dad and I have never told him he could only do one thing. That we would never limit his abilities or opportunities.
BUT THEN ........... thank God for Pastor Jay, the Holy Bible, Elijah and his Chariot of Fire!!!!!
The way to successfully walk and talk in Malcolm's world is through the silver screen. He is Mr. Movie Man! And, very casually in a teaching series during last season, Pastor Jay made a reference to Chariots of Fire being one of his favorite movies, and how he believes one of the greatest lines in any movie .... ever .... is when the leading man, who was running track in the 1924 Olympics to the dismay of his missionary family, says ..... "God made me with a purpose, but He also made me fast".
With one line in a Sunday Service, one line from an Academy Award Winning Movie ...... Malcolm heard God speak to him clearly and without question for the first time ....... and played IRON MAN football for the Ravens for the entire season. The only player to do so, and he was awesome in it!!!!!!
From The Sidelines,
Kalena Watching
However, this hasn't always been the case.
Two years ago, Mal played in the county league, and, for an entire season Dad and I spent nearly every practice and game pulling our hair out from the side lines. Half speed, half hearted, ba doo pa doop .... blah blah blah effort at every practice and temper temper when he wasn't in every play on game day ..... this went on ALL SEASON LONG!!!!! We were so frustrated it was unbelievable!!!!
Soooooo, last year, Dad decided to Coach .... the thinking was maybe we weren't involved enough ...... maybe Mal would pick up the pace if Dad was there with him in a leadership/coaching role, as opposed to just being there as Dad.
Hmmmmmmmmm ............
Big excitement when he found out dad was coaching ....... Big excitement when the gear was issued ....... Big excitement when practices started ...... but then ...... when the season started, I noticed that same ho hum look on his face ....... not good! So, I had a heart to heart with him on the way to school the morning after the first game. To my amazement, he was afraid that if he played football, he couldn't be an actor. And EVERYONE knows without doubt that God sent this boy down here to be an actor. We have known it as long as he has been able to speak.
So, from the hip, I blurt through a laundry list of professional football players who have also had careers as actors ..... The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Brian Bosworth, Terry Bradshaw, Brett Favre and the clincher ..... Michael Strahan, who he knows personally ..... and that seemed to ease his hesitation a bit. That, plus, I explained to him that Dad and I have never told him he could only do one thing. That we would never limit his abilities or opportunities.
BUT THEN ........... thank God for Pastor Jay, the Holy Bible, Elijah and his Chariot of Fire!!!!!
The way to successfully walk and talk in Malcolm's world is through the silver screen. He is Mr. Movie Man! And, very casually in a teaching series during last season, Pastor Jay made a reference to Chariots of Fire being one of his favorite movies, and how he believes one of the greatest lines in any movie .... ever .... is when the leading man, who was running track in the 1924 Olympics to the dismay of his missionary family, says ..... "God made me with a purpose, but He also made me fast".
With one line in a Sunday Service, one line from an Academy Award Winning Movie ...... Malcolm heard God speak to him clearly and without question for the first time ....... and played IRON MAN football for the Ravens for the entire season. The only player to do so, and he was awesome in it!!!!!!
From The Sidelines,
Kalena Watching
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)