I love Christmas! Everything about it makes my heart smile!
Today is very Christmasy! There is a beautiful snow falling! The big chunk like flakes that are soooo fun to watch! My lights are on in the house, there are Christmas carols on the radio and my hot green tea makes it complete! I feel like I should be wearing a happy red dress and whipping up some cookies or something! Today is a great day!
I was thinking today about what would be the perfect gift for me ..... and I am resigned to the fact that that gift is the same every year! That I could light up my house, so the Lord could see it in heaven - I know He does, but I mean literally!!! And that my husband, my boys and everyone celebrating this beautiful Holy Day would wake up Christmas morning and find God's abundance stuffed around a picturesque Christmas tree in packages wrapped in bright paper with shiny bows, and that the flurry of flying gift wrap that followed would reach to the heavens. You see, I believe that God smiles when we make a big deal about of Christ's birth! When I get to heaven to be with Him, I just can't imagine Him giving me a talking to about OVER celebrating Jesus' birth!!!! See ..... I'm not really that sure Christians should be minimizing and scaling back at Christmas time! I think this is one of the two times a year we should show up HUGE!!!! (The other being Easter, of course) I mean ... I understand the current rage to move to Happy Holidays and all ... but God's truth is that we celebrate this month SOLELY (SOULLY) because of Immanuel - People .... IMMANUEL .... literally translated "GOD WITH US"!!!!!! Give me a better reason to celebrate!!!! (Other than Easter, of course)
For me ..... that would make a perfect Christmas Season every year --- fabulous light displays to amaze my children and everyone else who could see them and giving and gifting to everyone around me. There are many things I would like to receive, but I am in need of nothing. God gifts me daily!
Yep! I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!! I even love the Ebenezzars and Scrooges who come out of the wood work this time of year! All of those people who are rude beyond any resemblance of Christmas Spirit making sure they have the first, best and biggest gifts available, so no one else can. All they really need is to know somebody loves them and appreciates what they do. That's all! And a genuine Christmas smile can go a long way here!
In addition to everything else I hold so passionately close to my heart this time of year, my love and admiration for the SALVATION Army knows no limit. I don't even have to see them ... the second I step out of my vehicle in a parking lot and hear the bells ringing ..... my heart smiles, because I know without a doubt God is on the scene!!!! I love it!!! And I try to hit the red bucket every time I walk passed, so they know what they do is appreciated!!! It makes me sad when I see folks walk passed them with a disgusted look on their faces. I understand if you have no change to drop in the bucket, but I have actually seen folks walk passed and roll their eyes or look down their noses at them. Just sad! I pray for these folks, because they need it more than the people who just don't have any change to give! Of all the things they do, where the SALVATION Army really grips my heart is their Angel Trees!!
Every year I look forward to this blessing! This year was no different! My point isn't about the fact that "I" did anything. The Bible says in Luke 17:10 Even so on your part, when you have done everything that was assigned and commanded you, say, We are unworthy servants [possessing no merit, for we have not gone beyond our obligation]; we have [merely] done what was our duty to do. (Amplified) And, I believe it is our responsibility to do for others when they can't do for themselves. In addition, I believe there is no place for me to talk about what I've done, because I believe it takes the focus from God and brings it toward myself ..... so, the heart of this story is Sweet Yoselin's Heart!!!
Angel Code #818 specifically! Deuteronomy 8:18 says But thou shalt remember the LORD thy God: for it is he that giveth thee power to get wealth, that he may establish his covenant which he sware unto thy fathers, as it is this day. (KJV) In addition to others, this a cornerstone verse in my life. It didn't matter who was on the card, I knew it was there for me to cover. As it turns out, it was sweet Yoselin!
A beautiful little three year old girl! And there on the card were the clothes sizes, coat size, shoe size ... all the necessities. And my favorite part at the bottom ... the things that Christmas wishes are made of ..... coloring books with crayons, puzzles, a 12" bike and a play kitchen!!! HOW BEAUTIFUL!!! Can't you just see her making play tea and having parties or flurrying down the street on a little pink bike with a crazy bell?!!!! SMILE EAR TO EAR!!! Calling out "look at me" "look at me"!!! Or dressed in a beautiful holiday dress or bundled up in a happy pink coat and mittens, coloring pictures that will fade attached to a refrigerator door! I pray to God she has that refrigerator door! A beautiful little face shining on Christmas morning because she will know somebody loves her ..... and - wonderfully - incredibly - divinely - it will be her mommy and daddy ... the McRae family will never even enter her mind! HOW AMAZING THIS GIFT OF GIVING!!!
I could see all of these images in my heart as we shopped! And a crazy kind of excitement and joy carried me through the aisles! What a glorious gift it was to me that God had given my little family the ability to do even this one thing!
I LOVE CHRISTmas!
Be Merry!
Kalena Christmasing
Oh Yeah - Jesus is the Reason for ALL the seasons! :)
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Every Husband A Hero - Part 2
Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas is truly one of the best fiction books I have ever read. It was given to me by my sister Teri some years ago when I was getting ready to get the long flight home from one of our cross country escapades. Well, in the middle of my conversations with God about my life - in particular my relationships and more specifically my relationship with my husband - I found this book in one of my file cabinets during a long over due clean out. Immediately, I knew what I was looking for from the text. It reads as follows:
Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls. These balls are called work, family, health, friends and integrity. And you're keeping all of them in the air. But one day you finally understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls - family, health, friends, integrity - are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered. And, once you truly understand the lesson of the five balls, you will have the beginnings of balance in your life.
My five balls are named faith, family, friends, health and busyness. Faith is my personal relationship with God, through our Lord Jesus Christ and comes before everything else in my life. Family begins with my husband, then my kids, then everyone else the Lord has blessed my inner circle of life with. Friends are the people I know and associate with, but don't have a meaningful relationship. Health is my own and the three men in my home. Busyness is EVERYTHING ELSE!
The bulk of my busyness comes through my kids - School, Homework, School Projects, School Fundraisers, Book Club, Bike Club, Accelerated Reader, this field trip, that whatever else, TaeKwon Do, Football Practice, Football Games. When I was working, that list was compounded with everything that having a job meant. And, whenever anybody would call or e-mail and say Karen could you? I never had the heart to tell them no, so I piled something else on the top of my "I HAVE" to do this list. What I realized, when my work season ended, was that in all of my "involvement", I was not spending any quality time with my children, and my husband nearly had to wear a name tag just for my benefit. He had turned into that guy that I bumped into when I went to bed at night. (Thank God I learned how to catch at an early age, because I was dropping balls like it was cool!) The other thing I learned was that if I couldn't do something, somebody else would - or it would still be there when I could get to it.
In our Tuesday morning conversation at the Cafe, Lisa and I were talking about our husbands, and how thankful we are to God that we have them. Understanding they are just as imperfect as we are, but fully recognizing that without them, we would not have the freedoms we have to get together on Tuesday mornings to enjoy our time in the Lord together - or pretty much anything else for that matter.
Understand, I could make it through this life without my husband - I just don't want to, and, in that, the time I spend with him doing what he wants to do has become more important to my life than doing the things I want. I have not perfected this, and don't know if I ever will; because, I keep finding myself getting in the way. It's an ongoing, growing process that requires much grace and pruning. I don't always like it, and I don't always yield; but, I am completely aware of the significance and importance of my efforts ..... BECAUSE ..... the humbleness of my previous statement comes in the full knowledge that my husband could also live out his life WITHOUT ME!!!!
Because of the things God has shown me, the ball of busyness gets launched high into the sky, because it will bounce where it bounces; but, it will bounce back. The balls of health and friends get thrown some where not as high, but the balls of faith and family barely leave my hands. For damaging one of those ..... well ..... I don't even know how to finish the thought.
They barely leave my hands.
Living,
Learning,
Loving
and
Laughing,
Kalena Juggling
Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls. These balls are called work, family, health, friends and integrity. And you're keeping all of them in the air. But one day you finally understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls - family, health, friends, integrity - are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered. And, once you truly understand the lesson of the five balls, you will have the beginnings of balance in your life.
My five balls are named faith, family, friends, health and busyness. Faith is my personal relationship with God, through our Lord Jesus Christ and comes before everything else in my life. Family begins with my husband, then my kids, then everyone else the Lord has blessed my inner circle of life with. Friends are the people I know and associate with, but don't have a meaningful relationship. Health is my own and the three men in my home. Busyness is EVERYTHING ELSE!
The bulk of my busyness comes through my kids - School, Homework, School Projects, School Fundraisers, Book Club, Bike Club, Accelerated Reader, this field trip, that whatever else, TaeKwon Do, Football Practice, Football Games. When I was working, that list was compounded with everything that having a job meant. And, whenever anybody would call or e-mail and say Karen could you? I never had the heart to tell them no, so I piled something else on the top of my "I HAVE" to do this list. What I realized, when my work season ended, was that in all of my "involvement", I was not spending any quality time with my children, and my husband nearly had to wear a name tag just for my benefit. He had turned into that guy that I bumped into when I went to bed at night. (Thank God I learned how to catch at an early age, because I was dropping balls like it was cool!) The other thing I learned was that if I couldn't do something, somebody else would - or it would still be there when I could get to it.
In our Tuesday morning conversation at the Cafe, Lisa and I were talking about our husbands, and how thankful we are to God that we have them. Understanding they are just as imperfect as we are, but fully recognizing that without them, we would not have the freedoms we have to get together on Tuesday mornings to enjoy our time in the Lord together - or pretty much anything else for that matter.
Understand, I could make it through this life without my husband - I just don't want to, and, in that, the time I spend with him doing what he wants to do has become more important to my life than doing the things I want. I have not perfected this, and don't know if I ever will; because, I keep finding myself getting in the way. It's an ongoing, growing process that requires much grace and pruning. I don't always like it, and I don't always yield; but, I am completely aware of the significance and importance of my efforts ..... BECAUSE ..... the humbleness of my previous statement comes in the full knowledge that my husband could also live out his life WITHOUT ME!!!!
Because of the things God has shown me, the ball of busyness gets launched high into the sky, because it will bounce where it bounces; but, it will bounce back. The balls of health and friends get thrown some where not as high, but the balls of faith and family barely leave my hands. For damaging one of those ..... well ..... I don't even know how to finish the thought.
They barely leave my hands.
Living,
Learning,
Loving
and
Laughing,
Kalena Juggling
Every Husband A Hero - Part 1
The following entry was written by my beloved friend, Mary Ellen, for her Women of Grace Minute that she does every month for her church in California. I did no editting, because I believe it was perfectly written by this beautiful lady. I am posting it, because it is part one of an ongoing area of attention I am currently addressing with our Lord.
Enjoy!
Kalena Wifing
Strong as Metal
Enjoy!
Kalena Wifing
Strong as Metal
My husband and I were talking the other night, and as I started to drift into sleep, I was thinking about how thankful to God I am for giving me this strong man to protect and take care of me.
It made me think about my relationship with him and how men are like metal or iron. Stay with me for a minute.......metal/iron is strong, and can withstand a lot, but there is something that can destroy metal and that is rust. Rust is an erosion process that eats away at the metal, and most of the time it starts small. How many of you have ever seen something totally covered in rust? Even though it is covered and the metal still seems strong, it is being eaten away at constantly.
Ladies, I want to suggest to you that we have a part as to how strong we want our husbands to be for us. It's by the way we show them respect and how are words and actions come across to them. In 1Thes.5:11 it says "Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
I know that there have been several times in my marriage that I have been more like rust to my husband and the corrosion has eaten away at our marriage. Thankfully, I have a Heavenly Father that has been able to change my heart towards this man HE has brought into my life, and has had to use some really strong stuff to get rid of the rust that I have spread.
Part of what HE has used has been Humility. HE has had to break my pride and show me that my way is NOT always the right way........big surprise, I know...but true! In James chapter 4:6 says "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." I don't know about you but I certainly don't want God on the opposite side of me, especially when it comes to my marriage!
Another verse that HE uses to help teach me to not even start with the "rust" is Proverbs 31:12, and it says "She brings him good and not harm all the days of her life." This tells me to keep a close watch on the attitude of my heart and what I say and do BEFORE I say and do it. Have you ever heard of Rust-Oleum? It is rust-preventative paint. I guess you would call this verse our "Spiritual Rust-Oleum".
Ladies, I know this is not easy and I certainly do NOT have this one down! But it is a command, and in Ephesians 5:33 that says " the wife MUST respect her husband." Remember God's ways are not our ways, and HIS thoughts are not our thoughts AND HE has never been wrong! So, maybe there is something to this respect thing. I do know for a fact that when Ron feels respected by me the love that comes from him is amazing!!
I remember when I was praying for a husband and I remember that one thing I prayed for was a man that would not only stand up for me but also one that would stand up to me. Because believe it or not, I like a big strong man to take care of and protect me and our family, and I have a feeling deep down inside you do too!
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Chester Cheetah
Some years ago Cheetos had that crazy looking cheetah, Chester, on their Cheetos commercials. He was always getting chased and attacked from crazier looking cartoon kids for the Cheetos. At the end of every commercial, he would be defeated and dazed and say - it ain't easy being cheesy. Y'all remember those?Well ..... I had a thought today - maybe our old friend Chester should have stayed off Rat Avenue ..... And, I say that because this week I have been entrenched as a long standing Rat Avenue Resident, and Chester keeps weaseling out in front of me in Sharp Cheddar underwear!!!
People ..... BRING ON THE GRATER, IT IS SNACK TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know, I spent this past weekend in St Louis at the Love Revolution conference with my family. It was truly a divine weekend for the women in my family that was able to attend, and I came home full of all kinds of love, understanding and other heavenly things too numerous to count. Wouldn't you know the Chester Cheetah of all Chesters (Liar, liar pants on fire devil) was waiting. If there is anything that can trip me up from my love walk with God, it is somebody messing with my kids ..... and my FIRST act back in the Mom Squad was dealing with an attack against Malcolm.
Y'all know my boy ..... loving, compassionate, respectful ..... everything Mark and I have taught him to be. Well ..... from the day he started school down here, when he was in third grade, that boy has been fighting - EVERYDAY - just to have his place in life. He has been tormented, bullied, beat on, lied about, whatever else you can think of. Amazingly, every day he gets up with hope in his heart that it's going to be a better day, giving all of these nasty kids a new chance, and I have spent too many days seeing him defeated and deflated. That boy has the heart of a lion!!! My son is my hero in ways I cannot even begin to explain.
Well, Monday afternoon, he got in the truck and handed me an envelope that read "To The Parents of" ..... BLAH ..... YUK ..... UGH! As it turns out, he had received a day in ISS - In School Suspension - for a shoving match he got into on Friday. OK ..... he broke the rules, put his hands on another student, consequence. Move On!
Now the rest of the story ......
Another kid intentionally tripped him in PE. He and the other boy pushed and shoved back and forth. Teacher got close by, and the situation diffused. The boys go back into the locker room, change clothes for next period, sit and wait for the bell to ring. Bell Rings, and THEN ..........
This other student walked up BEHIND Malcolm, comes around to the side and punches him in the arm and IN HIS FACE!!!!!!! Oh, ok, THAT explains the bruise on his left cheek!!!!!!!!!!!!
ENTER QUEEN KALENA DIA, MOTHER OF ALL VERMIN, MAYOR OF RAT AVENUE!!!
Long story short ..... after Malcolm checked in for next period, he told the teacher what had happened, and she sent him down to see the Asst Principal. He wasn't there, so he was sent to see the Principal. As the story goes, the Principal had only a minute for him, because he had to get outside for Bus Duty!!!!! Are we serious????? The investigation unfolded on Monday, and Malcolm ended up with ISS, because he reported an incident he was involved in.
Long story even shorter .....
ENTER WATASH ..... OUR MARINE'S MARINE ..... RIGHTER OF WRONGS ..... MESS WITH MY KIDS, AND I'LL BREAK MY FOOT OFF IN YOUR (whatever needs to have a foot broken off in it)!!!!!
We are now waiting for a return phone call from the Deputy Super-Intendent of Schools to schedule a sit down to find out WHAT THE HECK????????????
Folks, pray for my son and pray for this public school system!!!!!!
Love, Love, Love
Kalena on D-Con
People ..... BRING ON THE GRATER, IT IS SNACK TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know, I spent this past weekend in St Louis at the Love Revolution conference with my family. It was truly a divine weekend for the women in my family that was able to attend, and I came home full of all kinds of love, understanding and other heavenly things too numerous to count. Wouldn't you know the Chester Cheetah of all Chesters (Liar, liar pants on fire devil) was waiting. If there is anything that can trip me up from my love walk with God, it is somebody messing with my kids ..... and my FIRST act back in the Mom Squad was dealing with an attack against Malcolm.
Y'all know my boy ..... loving, compassionate, respectful ..... everything Mark and I have taught him to be. Well ..... from the day he started school down here, when he was in third grade, that boy has been fighting - EVERYDAY - just to have his place in life. He has been tormented, bullied, beat on, lied about, whatever else you can think of. Amazingly, every day he gets up with hope in his heart that it's going to be a better day, giving all of these nasty kids a new chance, and I have spent too many days seeing him defeated and deflated. That boy has the heart of a lion!!! My son is my hero in ways I cannot even begin to explain.
Well, Monday afternoon, he got in the truck and handed me an envelope that read "To The Parents of" ..... BLAH ..... YUK ..... UGH! As it turns out, he had received a day in ISS - In School Suspension - for a shoving match he got into on Friday. OK ..... he broke the rules, put his hands on another student, consequence. Move On!
Now the rest of the story ......
Another kid intentionally tripped him in PE. He and the other boy pushed and shoved back and forth. Teacher got close by, and the situation diffused. The boys go back into the locker room, change clothes for next period, sit and wait for the bell to ring. Bell Rings, and THEN ..........
This other student walked up BEHIND Malcolm, comes around to the side and punches him in the arm and IN HIS FACE!!!!!!! Oh, ok, THAT explains the bruise on his left cheek!!!!!!!!!!!!
ENTER QUEEN KALENA DIA, MOTHER OF ALL VERMIN, MAYOR OF RAT AVENUE!!!
Long story short ..... after Malcolm checked in for next period, he told the teacher what had happened, and she sent him down to see the Asst Principal. He wasn't there, so he was sent to see the Principal. As the story goes, the Principal had only a minute for him, because he had to get outside for Bus Duty!!!!! Are we serious????? The investigation unfolded on Monday, and Malcolm ended up with ISS, because he reported an incident he was involved in.
Long story even shorter .....
ENTER WATASH ..... OUR MARINE'S MARINE ..... RIGHTER OF WRONGS ..... MESS WITH MY KIDS, AND I'LL BREAK MY FOOT OFF IN YOUR (whatever needs to have a foot broken off in it)!!!!!
We are now waiting for a return phone call from the Deputy Super-Intendent of Schools to schedule a sit down to find out WHAT THE HECK????????????
Folks, pray for my son and pray for this public school system!!!!!!
Love, Love, Love
Kalena on D-Con
Football in America
I LOVE THIS TIME OF YEAR!!!!!
Fall is awakening on the East Coast, and there are magnificent signs of red and gold peeking out of the normal greenscape of the summertime. Shortly, the entire scene will be brushed with a harvest rainbow! I love the cool crisp mornings of the fall and the times during the day and evening where it isn't quite cold enough for a coat, but a hoodie or a light jacket is draped across the arms of everyone you see on their daily ventures. I love seasonal changes, and, if I had to list them by preference --- fall would be at the top of my list! Change is absolutely beautiful, and how creation works where a landscaping of complete green can turn to such a magnificent array of color is amazing to me! It's also during this time that Fall Festivals are in abundance in Virginia, and I love the atmosphere of walking and watching families together either hunting for that perfect pumpkin, or going on hay rides. Such fun!!!!
It's also during September that the sports world comes alive in our home. The Yankees are playing September Ball with purpose and the NFL has begun a new season!!! Added bonus for Mom and Dad around these parts is that this is the first year that both Malcolm and Mackenzie have laced up their cleats and headed for the Grid Iron!!! I absolutely do not have the words for what it does to my heart to see my kids out there in life and doing!!!! And .... there is just something about football in America that does something to the human heart! If football ain't your thing, I cannot explain it, but I can tell you this ..... there is no doubt in my mind that my God in Heaven is a huge Football Fan!!!!!
I don't think he pulls for a particular team (OK, maybe the Saints, but that sounded a little too obvious to say). I don't think He's sitting up there in Heaven keeping secrets from Himself about the outcome of the games, so He can be as excited about a down to the wire, fourth quarter comeback as we are. I think He smiles equally on all the teams, all the players and all the fans!!! The same way I feel my heart filled with love and joy at watching Malcolm and Mackenzie battle it out on Saturday morning - that's the way I believe God watches. A loving Heavenly Father watching His children have a game of pick up, if you will!
I also believe God created football! How else can you explain a Washington Redskins fan telling me in the airport how happy he was that our Giants beat the Cowboys Sunday night! Or a Cowboys fan in the grocery store two weeks ago telling me he was pulling for our Giants against the Skins! With tailgate parties and BBQs --- football is ALL about the fellowship! It opens doors for people who otherwise would never even speak to strike up a conversation. Something about this play, that player, this week's games. Did you see this? Can you believe that? Man, when I played ..... AND ..... in a truly divine way, it creates and strengthens bonds between Fathers and Sons like nothing you can ever explain. And, we ALL know God is all about Father/Son relationships!!! Daughters, too, of course, but we know.
Football is common ground that the majority of Americans stand on, reminding all of us that we're not so different after all!
Yep, there is just something about Football in America!
Much, Much Love .....
Kalena in the Huddle
Fall is awakening on the East Coast, and there are magnificent signs of red and gold peeking out of the normal greenscape of the summertime. Shortly, the entire scene will be brushed with a harvest rainbow! I love the cool crisp mornings of the fall and the times during the day and evening where it isn't quite cold enough for a coat, but a hoodie or a light jacket is draped across the arms of everyone you see on their daily ventures. I love seasonal changes, and, if I had to list them by preference --- fall would be at the top of my list! Change is absolutely beautiful, and how creation works where a landscaping of complete green can turn to such a magnificent array of color is amazing to me! It's also during this time that Fall Festivals are in abundance in Virginia, and I love the atmosphere of walking and watching families together either hunting for that perfect pumpkin, or going on hay rides. Such fun!!!!
It's also during September that the sports world comes alive in our home. The Yankees are playing September Ball with purpose and the NFL has begun a new season!!! Added bonus for Mom and Dad around these parts is that this is the first year that both Malcolm and Mackenzie have laced up their cleats and headed for the Grid Iron!!! I absolutely do not have the words for what it does to my heart to see my kids out there in life and doing!!!! And .... there is just something about football in America that does something to the human heart! If football ain't your thing, I cannot explain it, but I can tell you this ..... there is no doubt in my mind that my God in Heaven is a huge Football Fan!!!!!
I don't think he pulls for a particular team (OK, maybe the Saints, but that sounded a little too obvious to say). I don't think He's sitting up there in Heaven keeping secrets from Himself about the outcome of the games, so He can be as excited about a down to the wire, fourth quarter comeback as we are. I think He smiles equally on all the teams, all the players and all the fans!!! The same way I feel my heart filled with love and joy at watching Malcolm and Mackenzie battle it out on Saturday morning - that's the way I believe God watches. A loving Heavenly Father watching His children have a game of pick up, if you will!
I also believe God created football! How else can you explain a Washington Redskins fan telling me in the airport how happy he was that our Giants beat the Cowboys Sunday night! Or a Cowboys fan in the grocery store two weeks ago telling me he was pulling for our Giants against the Skins! With tailgate parties and BBQs --- football is ALL about the fellowship! It opens doors for people who otherwise would never even speak to strike up a conversation. Something about this play, that player, this week's games. Did you see this? Can you believe that? Man, when I played ..... AND ..... in a truly divine way, it creates and strengthens bonds between Fathers and Sons like nothing you can ever explain. And, we ALL know God is all about Father/Son relationships!!! Daughters, too, of course, but we know.
Football is common ground that the majority of Americans stand on, reminding all of us that we're not so different after all!
Yep, there is just something about Football in America!
Much, Much Love .....
Kalena in the Huddle
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
In Simon's Shadow --- Update
All in God's Timing .....
Some weeks ago, after posting In Simon's Shadow, I wrote a letter to Pastor Chewning specifically about that day on the bay in 1986. My intention was to mail it immediately upon completing it, but, for any of you who know me ..... I have a severe allergic reaction to the Post Office! :) And, it didn't happen!
Well, I did finally get it in the mail, and, although I hoped to hear back from him wasn't really waiting expectantly. Much to my joy, I received a short note from Pastor Chewning in the mail today, thanking me for writing and telling me he received my letter the LAST SUNDAY MORNING he would ever preach, as he is now retired.
Beautiful heart that he is, he found Pastor Westbury for me, called him, told him about my letter, and tomorrow I will be writing Pastor Westbury, as he requested Pastor Chewning give me his contact information; because, he would love to hear from me!!!!
I have an unexplicable excitement about sharing with this Pastor the impact his ministry has had on my life!
Hope lives on the Horizon of the Heart!!!!
Kalena Rejoicing
Some weeks ago, after posting In Simon's Shadow, I wrote a letter to Pastor Chewning specifically about that day on the bay in 1986. My intention was to mail it immediately upon completing it, but, for any of you who know me ..... I have a severe allergic reaction to the Post Office! :) And, it didn't happen!
Well, I did finally get it in the mail, and, although I hoped to hear back from him wasn't really waiting expectantly. Much to my joy, I received a short note from Pastor Chewning in the mail today, thanking me for writing and telling me he received my letter the LAST SUNDAY MORNING he would ever preach, as he is now retired.
Beautiful heart that he is, he found Pastor Westbury for me, called him, told him about my letter, and tomorrow I will be writing Pastor Westbury, as he requested Pastor Chewning give me his contact information; because, he would love to hear from me!!!!
I have an unexplicable excitement about sharing with this Pastor the impact his ministry has had on my life!
Hope lives on the Horizon of the Heart!!!!
Kalena Rejoicing
The Bigger They Are .....
I love Tuesday Mornings at the HeBrews Cafe .....
For those of you who can't be there ..... I pray you have moments throughout the week that bless you and uplift you the way every one of you should be. It's kind of funny how I found my way to such a place that was established in 1820, but I have. The past few days have been emotionally exhausting and spiritually draining for me, and, more than in weeks past, I was desperately in need of the fulfillment I get at the "Home of the Original Heavenly Blend".
This week my Bible Study was on the story of David and Goliath. We have all heard the old addage "the bigger they are, the harder they fall", and, in the Christian community Goliath's fall is second only to Adam's. We've all heard the story and could relay it with ease, but I wonder how many of us actually KNOW the ending of that account. Yes, David slew the mighty giant with his slingshot and one stone. Though David picked up a few ...... God used the FIRST stone to bring the enemy down! BUT ..... and this is an enormous BUT ...... that is not the end of the story, though this is where most Sunday School stories end. The story actually ends when David, having killed Goliath, walks over to him, takes his (Goliath's) sword out of its sheath and cuts his head off in front of the ENTIRE Philistine Army!!!! Then David puts the head in a bag to take it to Saul ..... AND ..... took Goliath's Sword and Shield and kept them! A ruddy kid who had just moments ealrier been chastised by his older borthers for even being there!
The summary of the Bible Lesson is this: by force, the Philistines had occupied land that belonged to Judah. They were squatters and trespassers, and, when the Israelite Army went to confront them - they were afraid. For forty days and forty nights, Goliath taunted and tormented them. Until a young boy standing firmly on the truth of who God is and his faith in Him rewrote history (His Story). God said ENOUGH and sent the most unlikely of characters to represent Him.
As children of God, it is imperative that we recognize and face our own Goliaths. Whomever or whatever those Goliaths are - they are trespassers and have no right to be there!!!! Though most times, they seem unconquerable, they challenge us, defeat us, until finally we lose the heart to fight! Then ..... they master us, and, even though we know this defeat is not the abundant life Christ called us to, we feel we have no freedom to change and that we are stripped of our strength and power.
What we must realized is that the facts are not always what they seem to be. Even though our observations are real, many times it is not the ultimate reality. In this case, what the Israelite Army had been trying to do for many days wasn't working. Out of fear of defeat, the greatest thing they chose to do was nothing. Much the same way how we do things in life, I suppose. Facing many situations we tend to try to do nothing and just keep the peace. Well, my friends, there is nothing in Scripture about "keeping" the peace. The Beatitudes say "Blessed are the peace MAKERS". Throughout history, every peace agreement ever signed came at the end of a ferocious battle! If we have been trying to do something over and over and it is constantly met with rebuttal and refusal, maybe we need to change what we're doing. Saul tried to get David to wear his own personal armor into the battle, and David said no. The armor hadn't worked for Saul, and it wasn't working for him.
David walked into the battle armed truly with nothing more than the Word of God, God's name and his knowledge that God is ALWAYS FAITHFUL to the truth. This week I have felt that I have spent my entire life fighting one Goliath or another ..... always fighting for a place in life that doesn't exist.
BUT GOD .....
If nothing else in my life ever changes ..... I know that I know that I know ..... this week, God said ENOUGH, and, as I slept, He built a hedge of protection around me as He took one of my Goliaths' heads!!!
In conjunction with this story, my beautiful friend reminded me today of a passage of text from the book, "The Shack". In this part of the story God is having a conversation with Mac about a bird that landed on the window sill near where they were talking. God comments that the bird flies because bird's fly. Being grounded for them is a limitation within their ability to fly. Humans, on the other hand, were created to be loved. So, for you to live as if you were unloved is a limitation - not the other way around." The God character continues with this..."Living unloved is like clipping a birds wings and removing it's ability to fly. (Life circumstances - Goliaths, if you will) have a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly..."
What God showed me in the early morning hours of today is that ..... He is indeed faithful to the truth and His love for me is unconditional in a way no human can ever express. For that ..... I stand in awe!!!!
In the Battle,
Kalena Flying
For those of you who can't be there ..... I pray you have moments throughout the week that bless you and uplift you the way every one of you should be. It's kind of funny how I found my way to such a place that was established in 1820, but I have. The past few days have been emotionally exhausting and spiritually draining for me, and, more than in weeks past, I was desperately in need of the fulfillment I get at the "Home of the Original Heavenly Blend".
This week my Bible Study was on the story of David and Goliath. We have all heard the old addage "the bigger they are, the harder they fall", and, in the Christian community Goliath's fall is second only to Adam's. We've all heard the story and could relay it with ease, but I wonder how many of us actually KNOW the ending of that account. Yes, David slew the mighty giant with his slingshot and one stone. Though David picked up a few ...... God used the FIRST stone to bring the enemy down! BUT ..... and this is an enormous BUT ...... that is not the end of the story, though this is where most Sunday School stories end. The story actually ends when David, having killed Goliath, walks over to him, takes his (Goliath's) sword out of its sheath and cuts his head off in front of the ENTIRE Philistine Army!!!! Then David puts the head in a bag to take it to Saul ..... AND ..... took Goliath's Sword and Shield and kept them! A ruddy kid who had just moments ealrier been chastised by his older borthers for even being there!
The summary of the Bible Lesson is this: by force, the Philistines had occupied land that belonged to Judah. They were squatters and trespassers, and, when the Israelite Army went to confront them - they were afraid. For forty days and forty nights, Goliath taunted and tormented them. Until a young boy standing firmly on the truth of who God is and his faith in Him rewrote history (His Story). God said ENOUGH and sent the most unlikely of characters to represent Him.
As children of God, it is imperative that we recognize and face our own Goliaths. Whomever or whatever those Goliaths are - they are trespassers and have no right to be there!!!! Though most times, they seem unconquerable, they challenge us, defeat us, until finally we lose the heart to fight! Then ..... they master us, and, even though we know this defeat is not the abundant life Christ called us to, we feel we have no freedom to change and that we are stripped of our strength and power.
What we must realized is that the facts are not always what they seem to be. Even though our observations are real, many times it is not the ultimate reality. In this case, what the Israelite Army had been trying to do for many days wasn't working. Out of fear of defeat, the greatest thing they chose to do was nothing. Much the same way how we do things in life, I suppose. Facing many situations we tend to try to do nothing and just keep the peace. Well, my friends, there is nothing in Scripture about "keeping" the peace. The Beatitudes say "Blessed are the peace MAKERS". Throughout history, every peace agreement ever signed came at the end of a ferocious battle! If we have been trying to do something over and over and it is constantly met with rebuttal and refusal, maybe we need to change what we're doing. Saul tried to get David to wear his own personal armor into the battle, and David said no. The armor hadn't worked for Saul, and it wasn't working for him.
David walked into the battle armed truly with nothing more than the Word of God, God's name and his knowledge that God is ALWAYS FAITHFUL to the truth. This week I have felt that I have spent my entire life fighting one Goliath or another ..... always fighting for a place in life that doesn't exist.
BUT GOD .....
If nothing else in my life ever changes ..... I know that I know that I know ..... this week, God said ENOUGH, and, as I slept, He built a hedge of protection around me as He took one of my Goliaths' heads!!!
In conjunction with this story, my beautiful friend reminded me today of a passage of text from the book, "The Shack". In this part of the story God is having a conversation with Mac about a bird that landed on the window sill near where they were talking. God comments that the bird flies because bird's fly. Being grounded for them is a limitation within their ability to fly. Humans, on the other hand, were created to be loved. So, for you to live as if you were unloved is a limitation - not the other way around." The God character continues with this..."Living unloved is like clipping a birds wings and removing it's ability to fly. (Life circumstances - Goliaths, if you will) have a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly..."
What God showed me in the early morning hours of today is that ..... He is indeed faithful to the truth and His love for me is unconditional in a way no human can ever express. For that ..... I stand in awe!!!!
In the Battle,
Kalena Flying
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Language of Love
OK ..... so in my readings, I have decided to rescan all of the books I have read over the past months, going through them again high lighting and underlining the parts that have touched my heart the most.
My venture right now is going back through "The Noticer", the first book I read by Andy Andrews. I have a particular attraction to this book, because the setting is just a few miles west of Pensacola, an area that I know well, and can envision as I read. In my life, I have heard and seen many things about love languages - the way people receive and feel loved - and categories and such, but this author put the words down in such a way that I immediately recognized the people in my life by them. He gives four main types ... puppy dogs, cats, canaries and goldfish. See if you can find yourself in his descriptions.
Puppy dogs - Puppy dogs know and feel they are loved by spoken words of approval. Think about it, tell a puppy how wonderful he is and his whole body wags. Nothing - and I mean nothing - is more devastating than words of disapproval spoken in an angry tone of voice. The same way a dog cowers under attack is the same way people who fall under this language type respond.
Cats - Cats need physical contact to know they are loved. Cats don't really pay attention to direction from anyone - they do their own thing, but when they need love they rub against their owners, walking around their legs and feet feeling loved by the touch. Other than that they are independent.
Canaries - Canaries feel loved through attention - quality time. Touch, words of endearment or gifts don't matter much, these types of people really only care about you spending time together with them. Canaries that are ignored die - not from a lack of food, but from a lack of love and attention.
Goldfish - Goldfish feel loved through favors and deeds. They don't necessarily need words of affirmation or to be touch. Women feel loved because their husbands take the trash out, or trim the bushes they've asked about. Men feel loved, because the house is clean and dinner is cooked.
Pretty simple stuff, if you think about it, but it's an amazing view point. The beauty is that once you figure out who these people are in your life, you will know how to make sure they always KNOW they are loved in a way THEY understand. Like I said, I saw a lot of the people in my life through these explanations. I know for sure I am raising Sylvester and Tweety in my home! Explains a whole lot if you've ever tried to talk to me on the phone when the boys are home! And, I also know why our house always seemed like a zoo when I was growing up!!!!! LOL
As for me .......
I think I am a nasty mutt mix of all four - a cadogishary! :)
Much love and prayers for Ciera!!!!
Kalena Loving
My venture right now is going back through "The Noticer", the first book I read by Andy Andrews. I have a particular attraction to this book, because the setting is just a few miles west of Pensacola, an area that I know well, and can envision as I read. In my life, I have heard and seen many things about love languages - the way people receive and feel loved - and categories and such, but this author put the words down in such a way that I immediately recognized the people in my life by them. He gives four main types ... puppy dogs, cats, canaries and goldfish. See if you can find yourself in his descriptions.
Puppy dogs - Puppy dogs know and feel they are loved by spoken words of approval. Think about it, tell a puppy how wonderful he is and his whole body wags. Nothing - and I mean nothing - is more devastating than words of disapproval spoken in an angry tone of voice. The same way a dog cowers under attack is the same way people who fall under this language type respond.
Cats - Cats need physical contact to know they are loved. Cats don't really pay attention to direction from anyone - they do their own thing, but when they need love they rub against their owners, walking around their legs and feet feeling loved by the touch. Other than that they are independent.
Canaries - Canaries feel loved through attention - quality time. Touch, words of endearment or gifts don't matter much, these types of people really only care about you spending time together with them. Canaries that are ignored die - not from a lack of food, but from a lack of love and attention.
Goldfish - Goldfish feel loved through favors and deeds. They don't necessarily need words of affirmation or to be touch. Women feel loved because their husbands take the trash out, or trim the bushes they've asked about. Men feel loved, because the house is clean and dinner is cooked.
Pretty simple stuff, if you think about it, but it's an amazing view point. The beauty is that once you figure out who these people are in your life, you will know how to make sure they always KNOW they are loved in a way THEY understand. Like I said, I saw a lot of the people in my life through these explanations. I know for sure I am raising Sylvester and Tweety in my home! Explains a whole lot if you've ever tried to talk to me on the phone when the boys are home! And, I also know why our house always seemed like a zoo when I was growing up!!!!! LOL
As for me .......
I think I am a nasty mutt mix of all four - a cadogishary! :)
Much love and prayers for Ciera!!!!
Kalena Loving
Monday, August 31, 2009
Seasons Change
So ..... the final week of the summer season is upon us. I walked outside this morning to an extremely autumnal 55 degrees adorning my Pensacola hoodie!!!!! LOVE IT!
This is my favorite time of year. We're in September ball with Yankees, and NFL kicks off next Thursday night! Life is good for folks like me! Added excitement this year is seeing BOTH of my boys suiting up for Saturdays on the Grid Iron!!!!! I can't explain it. There's just something about watching my sons do these things that boys do that makes my heart fill with love for them! And, rest assured, I will be blowing up my FB photo albums!!!
Of course, the end of summer also means the beginning of another school year! Back to school nights this week, and first day on Tuesday! As much as I have cherished every minute of this summer with the boys, I am actually embracing the time I will be apart from them. The school year always gives me time to regroup, refresh and re-energize for the next summer. I actually love these 180 days. I am thankful for the time I have during the week to be by myself and do things that I enjoy doing without having to be on "Mom Duty", or doing nothing at all and enjoying the silence. I adore my "Mom Duties", but I desperately need my "Kalena" time to be the best Mom I can be.
The biggest part of my regrouping and refreshing processes come with the re-opening of my beloved HeBrewS Cafe. It's a seasonal cafe open during the school year only. It's a simple thing really, but it is absolutely the greatest part of my Spiritual growth throughout the year! My beautiful friend Lisa and I have the most divine Tuesday lunches with the Lord ..... learning, loving, growing and sharing our lives with our ever present Father. Our Tuesdays are some of the most phenomenal church small group sessions ever!!!! Coffee and a danish taste heavenly when shared over the Bible!
Happily, it is also during this time that "Kalena Calls" goes back through the airwaves, which is my personal phone ministry that I share with some of the most wonderful Godly women I know. All of us broken and flawed, admittedly imperfect, but seeking God with fullness of heart everyday.
This season also brings a most welcomed professional change for me, as well. Expanding the tent of my creative heart for the benefit of many to the Glory of God! Looking to the horizon with grand vision and great expectation for success on multiple levels. My dreams and goals are ever attainable and my passion is ignited. The future is full of promise and my heart is firmly fixed on the One who is the Author and Finisher of my future and my faith in it!!!
Praying for Ciera!
Kalena in Season
This is my favorite time of year. We're in September ball with Yankees, and NFL kicks off next Thursday night! Life is good for folks like me! Added excitement this year is seeing BOTH of my boys suiting up for Saturdays on the Grid Iron!!!!! I can't explain it. There's just something about watching my sons do these things that boys do that makes my heart fill with love for them! And, rest assured, I will be blowing up my FB photo albums!!!
Of course, the end of summer also means the beginning of another school year! Back to school nights this week, and first day on Tuesday! As much as I have cherished every minute of this summer with the boys, I am actually embracing the time I will be apart from them. The school year always gives me time to regroup, refresh and re-energize for the next summer. I actually love these 180 days. I am thankful for the time I have during the week to be by myself and do things that I enjoy doing without having to be on "Mom Duty", or doing nothing at all and enjoying the silence. I adore my "Mom Duties", but I desperately need my "Kalena" time to be the best Mom I can be.
The biggest part of my regrouping and refreshing processes come with the re-opening of my beloved HeBrewS Cafe. It's a seasonal cafe open during the school year only. It's a simple thing really, but it is absolutely the greatest part of my Spiritual growth throughout the year! My beautiful friend Lisa and I have the most divine Tuesday lunches with the Lord ..... learning, loving, growing and sharing our lives with our ever present Father. Our Tuesdays are some of the most phenomenal church small group sessions ever!!!! Coffee and a danish taste heavenly when shared over the Bible!
Happily, it is also during this time that "Kalena Calls" goes back through the airwaves, which is my personal phone ministry that I share with some of the most wonderful Godly women I know. All of us broken and flawed, admittedly imperfect, but seeking God with fullness of heart everyday.
This season also brings a most welcomed professional change for me, as well. Expanding the tent of my creative heart for the benefit of many to the Glory of God! Looking to the horizon with grand vision and great expectation for success on multiple levels. My dreams and goals are ever attainable and my passion is ignited. The future is full of promise and my heart is firmly fixed on the One who is the Author and Finisher of my future and my faith in it!!!
Praying for Ciera!
Kalena in Season
Sunday, August 30, 2009
The Traveler'sGift
So, I finished my second book by Andy Andrews last week - The Traveler's Gift.
What an AWESOME read!
I just wanted to take a minute tonight and share the points that I find to be the greatest points from the text - points that can help ALL of us grow in our walk with God and our desires to be closer to Him.
The just of the story is that the main character finds himself down on his luck - the final straw in his downward spiral is losing his job - creating in him a spirit of total loss, feeling like he is an embarrassment and worthless, failing at everything, to include failing to take care of his wife and daughter. As a result, he crashes his car into a tree. When he comes to, he has begun this magnificent journey. A journey consisting of seven visits, seven strangers and seven decisions that determine personal success.
1st Decision - The buck stops here! Determine to accept responsibility for every aspect of your life, good or bad, right or wrong. There is no one else to blame for your actions and choices!
2nd Decision - Seek wisdom! A wise man cultivates a servant's spirit and guards his associations wisely! Wisdom is waiting to be found!
3rd Decision - Be a person of action! Do what is right, because it is the right thing to do! When faced with the choice of doing something or doing nothing, choose to do something!
4th Decision - Have a decided heart! Indecision limits God's ability to perform miracles through my life! He has given me a vision, and I will pursue it passionately!
5th Decision - Choose to be happy! Life is a privilege, but to live life to its fullest is a choice! God has bestowed upon me many gifts, so I will remember to be grateful and choose to be happy with where I am.
6th Decision - Choose to forgive! Forgiveness is the secret key to dissipating anger and resentment, but is only of value when it is given away! Those who have wronged me in the past are forgiven! Those who scoff at my vision, dreams and goals for the future are forgiven. It is not their fault they cannot grasp the importance of the vision God has given me. Third, and most importantly, I forgive myself! By forgiving myself, I erase doubts, fears and frustrations that have kept my past in my present! My history ceases to control my destiny!
7th Decision - Persist without exception! I am a person of great faith! Faith has no limits, because the God in whom my faith is placed has no limits! I will believe in the future that I do not see, until I see the future I believe in. I am a person of GREAT faith!!!!
In addition to these 7 Decisions, I will pay it forward and look back to bring people forward into their own success stories, as well. I love when God uses simple words in a simple text to show life altering meaning. God met me right where I needed Him, like He always does, with this book. I read it last Monday, after my tumultuous Spiritual battles last weekend!!!!!
I definitely recommend this book for anyone who's Spirit is looking for another step forward out into the unknown abyss of faith!!!!!
Much Love!
Kalena Deciding
What an AWESOME read!
I just wanted to take a minute tonight and share the points that I find to be the greatest points from the text - points that can help ALL of us grow in our walk with God and our desires to be closer to Him.
The just of the story is that the main character finds himself down on his luck - the final straw in his downward spiral is losing his job - creating in him a spirit of total loss, feeling like he is an embarrassment and worthless, failing at everything, to include failing to take care of his wife and daughter. As a result, he crashes his car into a tree. When he comes to, he has begun this magnificent journey. A journey consisting of seven visits, seven strangers and seven decisions that determine personal success.
1st Decision - The buck stops here! Determine to accept responsibility for every aspect of your life, good or bad, right or wrong. There is no one else to blame for your actions and choices!
2nd Decision - Seek wisdom! A wise man cultivates a servant's spirit and guards his associations wisely! Wisdom is waiting to be found!
3rd Decision - Be a person of action! Do what is right, because it is the right thing to do! When faced with the choice of doing something or doing nothing, choose to do something!
4th Decision - Have a decided heart! Indecision limits God's ability to perform miracles through my life! He has given me a vision, and I will pursue it passionately!
5th Decision - Choose to be happy! Life is a privilege, but to live life to its fullest is a choice! God has bestowed upon me many gifts, so I will remember to be grateful and choose to be happy with where I am.
6th Decision - Choose to forgive! Forgiveness is the secret key to dissipating anger and resentment, but is only of value when it is given away! Those who have wronged me in the past are forgiven! Those who scoff at my vision, dreams and goals for the future are forgiven. It is not their fault they cannot grasp the importance of the vision God has given me. Third, and most importantly, I forgive myself! By forgiving myself, I erase doubts, fears and frustrations that have kept my past in my present! My history ceases to control my destiny!
7th Decision - Persist without exception! I am a person of great faith! Faith has no limits, because the God in whom my faith is placed has no limits! I will believe in the future that I do not see, until I see the future I believe in. I am a person of GREAT faith!!!!
In addition to these 7 Decisions, I will pay it forward and look back to bring people forward into their own success stories, as well. I love when God uses simple words in a simple text to show life altering meaning. God met me right where I needed Him, like He always does, with this book. I read it last Monday, after my tumultuous Spiritual battles last weekend!!!!!
I definitely recommend this book for anyone who's Spirit is looking for another step forward out into the unknown abyss of faith!!!!!
Much Love!
Kalena Deciding
Monday, August 24, 2009
Resolve
Man ..... am I ever going through it tonight!!!!!
SAND BURN! (This only makes sense if you've read my posts from yesterday)
As I said, I love the moments alone with God! In honesty though, I don't like the stretching, and tonight I feel like Mr Fantastic or Elastigirl from the Incredibles!
In a nutshell .....
My Story .....
Growing up in our house was never without its drama. Many times I have noted that I was angry A LOT in those days. On the rare occasion that I actually reflect back, it's amazing to me that I lived to be 42 years old. Parental guidance was conflicted in our house, and many times it felt as though we were raising ourselves. That, in itself, explains a lot about my personality. The rest is explained in the character of my parents. My mom was a devout Christian - making sure we were raised in church, always reading her Bible, praying more times than I can count and was submitted to my dad to a fault. Now, what she prayed, why she prayed or how she prayed, I do not know. Dad was an alcoholic, a scoundrel and a tyrant - with no affiliation to church or God at all. In all my living with him, I only saw my dad drunk three times, but I NEVER saw him sober. His days began in the morning with Crown Royal and ended at night with a Miller High Life pony. Alas, these were my role models, and the Spiritual Battles that ensued because of their faiths, or lack there of, wreaked daily havoc on the lives of all of us kids. Hence my anger.
What I escaped from their house with caused years of turmoil in my own life. Never having been taught the dangers of drinking or the power of prayer, I drank myself into a lot a really bad moments, to include jail on my 27th birthday, and offered up some ridiculous prayers on the chance that God would actually answer them and get me out of trouble ...... again and again. Not having enough knowledge to know that if I prayed first, I could have avoided the situations I kept finding myself in.
Tonight, I have met my resolve.
Growing up in church, Preacher Carter always talked about the Power of God and how God is in Control. NOT IN OUR HOUSE! Daddy was in control of that circus ..... trust! Many times in services, he would talk about fearing the Lord. Never knew what it meant, but I didn't like the sound of that, either. Now, you understand, I was saved. I had full knowledge that Jesus died for me. Came into that knowledge when I was 11, and never doubted it. What I knew was that Jesus loved me, so me and Jesus were OK. BUT ..... God on the other hand ..... God was the judger, and I had enough of that in the hell we lived in between Sundays. No thanks! So I lived clinging to the cross and not much else for a long time.
What I know tonight is that with ALL of the Christians I know, or have known in my life, my Dad has had the biggest impact on my walk with God ..... more so than any of them. This explains exactly why it took 22 years before I realized that receiving salvation and making Jesus Lord of my life weren't the same thing. It explains exactly why my twenties are a blur of night clubs, drinking and parties. It explains exactly why my life was continuously upside down. I escaped from the hell I was comfortable with and went out in to the big bad world totally unprepared for anything. I was angry at my parents, angry at our family for not even attempting to help and I was angry at God for allowing my life to be what it was. In the earthly view, God had no authority in our house, and He definitely wasn't in charge of anything. So, when I got out on my own, I had little to no experience of the love of God and didn't know enough to even want to go to Him when I should have. More than anything else, it was the "Fear the Lord" thing. I knew what fear was. I had lived in it every day of my life, and had NO desire to voluntarily agree to it continuing. As a child, I had no choice. As an adult, I did, and I wasn't having it.
Sitting here right now, I find myself in conflict. There is an overwhelming urge to pick up the phone and call Daddy, even Mom, but mostly Dad, and cuss him out for everything. Give him the what for - letting him know that ALL of my crap really belongs to him. I choose not to.
I have no idea why God ever allowed all those days of hopelessness to persist in our house. I have no idea why the ugliness had to get even uglier before it ended, and why God allowed us kids to have to go through all of the pain, fear and suffering that we did. Coming into the epiphany I had tonight, I'm not sure I want to know.
Here is what I have resolved in my heart ..... God knew before He ever sent me here what my life would be. I also believe that I, too, knew. The Bible says before God formed me in the womb, He knew me. The Bible also tells us that ALL creation was completed in Genesis. I wasn't born until 1966, so I believe I knew Him, too. The reason I was so willing to come here into this family is because I agreed in the presence of the Lord, where Unconditional Love abounds. Because there was no question that God loved me, there was no concern that He would send me in harm's way. As a created being of God, before being born, I had no knowledge of what living here would actually be, so my trust in God and His goodness assured me that I would be ok. It wasn't until I was actually away from the tangible presence of God that I faltered. (I know these are deep waters, and I will cover them in a later blog; but, I needed to touch on them for a moment in this story). Now that I have come back to God's Unconditional Love, I know again, that I will be ok. It started with God, and it will end with Him.
I have resolved that if it took all of those years of unhappiness to bring me to where I am today, it was all worth it; and, I would live it all over again - THE SAME WAY - to get to where I am with God! Because, I am with God! I may not understand all of it, but I am not lost! I can live my life under a solid woah is me, or I can learn and grow and move forward. I refuse to be a victim of those childhood circumstances. Instead, I choose to allow those times to make me stronger and better than I have been in days before. And, now, when thinking about Daddy and all of those fearful, painful sad days .....
Having the realization that our Jesus died on that Cross by the hand of God - nothing that I can think of makes holding on to the bad worth it. How could I ever believe it would be ok to look the Lord in His face and say "but, you don't know what my daddy did to me" .....
In Resolution,
Kalena Smiles
SAND BURN! (This only makes sense if you've read my posts from yesterday)
As I said, I love the moments alone with God! In honesty though, I don't like the stretching, and tonight I feel like Mr Fantastic or Elastigirl from the Incredibles!
In a nutshell .....
My Story .....
Growing up in our house was never without its drama. Many times I have noted that I was angry A LOT in those days. On the rare occasion that I actually reflect back, it's amazing to me that I lived to be 42 years old. Parental guidance was conflicted in our house, and many times it felt as though we were raising ourselves. That, in itself, explains a lot about my personality. The rest is explained in the character of my parents. My mom was a devout Christian - making sure we were raised in church, always reading her Bible, praying more times than I can count and was submitted to my dad to a fault. Now, what she prayed, why she prayed or how she prayed, I do not know. Dad was an alcoholic, a scoundrel and a tyrant - with no affiliation to church or God at all. In all my living with him, I only saw my dad drunk three times, but I NEVER saw him sober. His days began in the morning with Crown Royal and ended at night with a Miller High Life pony. Alas, these were my role models, and the Spiritual Battles that ensued because of their faiths, or lack there of, wreaked daily havoc on the lives of all of us kids. Hence my anger.
What I escaped from their house with caused years of turmoil in my own life. Never having been taught the dangers of drinking or the power of prayer, I drank myself into a lot a really bad moments, to include jail on my 27th birthday, and offered up some ridiculous prayers on the chance that God would actually answer them and get me out of trouble ...... again and again. Not having enough knowledge to know that if I prayed first, I could have avoided the situations I kept finding myself in.
Tonight, I have met my resolve.
Growing up in church, Preacher Carter always talked about the Power of God and how God is in Control. NOT IN OUR HOUSE! Daddy was in control of that circus ..... trust! Many times in services, he would talk about fearing the Lord. Never knew what it meant, but I didn't like the sound of that, either. Now, you understand, I was saved. I had full knowledge that Jesus died for me. Came into that knowledge when I was 11, and never doubted it. What I knew was that Jesus loved me, so me and Jesus were OK. BUT ..... God on the other hand ..... God was the judger, and I had enough of that in the hell we lived in between Sundays. No thanks! So I lived clinging to the cross and not much else for a long time.
What I know tonight is that with ALL of the Christians I know, or have known in my life, my Dad has had the biggest impact on my walk with God ..... more so than any of them. This explains exactly why it took 22 years before I realized that receiving salvation and making Jesus Lord of my life weren't the same thing. It explains exactly why my twenties are a blur of night clubs, drinking and parties. It explains exactly why my life was continuously upside down. I escaped from the hell I was comfortable with and went out in to the big bad world totally unprepared for anything. I was angry at my parents, angry at our family for not even attempting to help and I was angry at God for allowing my life to be what it was. In the earthly view, God had no authority in our house, and He definitely wasn't in charge of anything. So, when I got out on my own, I had little to no experience of the love of God and didn't know enough to even want to go to Him when I should have. More than anything else, it was the "Fear the Lord" thing. I knew what fear was. I had lived in it every day of my life, and had NO desire to voluntarily agree to it continuing. As a child, I had no choice. As an adult, I did, and I wasn't having it.
Sitting here right now, I find myself in conflict. There is an overwhelming urge to pick up the phone and call Daddy, even Mom, but mostly Dad, and cuss him out for everything. Give him the what for - letting him know that ALL of my crap really belongs to him. I choose not to.
I have no idea why God ever allowed all those days of hopelessness to persist in our house. I have no idea why the ugliness had to get even uglier before it ended, and why God allowed us kids to have to go through all of the pain, fear and suffering that we did. Coming into the epiphany I had tonight, I'm not sure I want to know.
Here is what I have resolved in my heart ..... God knew before He ever sent me here what my life would be. I also believe that I, too, knew. The Bible says before God formed me in the womb, He knew me. The Bible also tells us that ALL creation was completed in Genesis. I wasn't born until 1966, so I believe I knew Him, too. The reason I was so willing to come here into this family is because I agreed in the presence of the Lord, where Unconditional Love abounds. Because there was no question that God loved me, there was no concern that He would send me in harm's way. As a created being of God, before being born, I had no knowledge of what living here would actually be, so my trust in God and His goodness assured me that I would be ok. It wasn't until I was actually away from the tangible presence of God that I faltered. (I know these are deep waters, and I will cover them in a later blog; but, I needed to touch on them for a moment in this story). Now that I have come back to God's Unconditional Love, I know again, that I will be ok. It started with God, and it will end with Him.
I have resolved that if it took all of those years of unhappiness to bring me to where I am today, it was all worth it; and, I would live it all over again - THE SAME WAY - to get to where I am with God! Because, I am with God! I may not understand all of it, but I am not lost! I can live my life under a solid woah is me, or I can learn and grow and move forward. I refuse to be a victim of those childhood circumstances. Instead, I choose to allow those times to make me stronger and better than I have been in days before. And, now, when thinking about Daddy and all of those fearful, painful sad days .....
Having the realization that our Jesus died on that Cross by the hand of God - nothing that I can think of makes holding on to the bad worth it. How could I ever believe it would be ok to look the Lord in His face and say "but, you don't know what my daddy did to me" .....
In Resolution,
Kalena Smiles
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Vantage Point
I saw the movie "Vantage Point" some time ago. What I found most interesting about the movie is the truth that came from realizing how multiple people can look at the same thing and see something entirely different from each other. With that in mind, I'm going to tell you a story - a true story - but ... I'm going to add a different vantage point at the end.
Growing up with my Dad was no easy task. Dysfunctional on good days and hell on the bad! However, this story is about the ONE MOMENT in time when my Dad was my hero!
Although my hometown is Pensacola, I have lived most of my life away from the Sugar White sands of the Gulf Coast. When I was a kid, my family always managed to make our way home at least once a year - mostly in the summer, but on an occasional holiday, as well. In my teenage years, we gravitated away from Pensacola east to Destin. One of my favorite places on the Gulf Coast is the Holidome located immediately on the beach, complete with indoor/outdoor pools, a gym, awesome continental breakfast. Everything you would want a hotel to be, including a revolving restaurant on the top floor of the dome.
In the summer of 1985, my family stayed there for a week. Life was good! On the day of this story, my younger sister and I were laying in the sun on the deck that led to the beach, in the back of the hotel. Some guy - some drunk guy - OK, some really drunk guy came walking up the boardwalk towards where we were at. It was no mystery just exactly how drunk he was, because had wet his pants and was drinking Jack Daniels out of a glass bottle that had the top broken off.
We saw him coming, but neither of us expected him to stagger all the way to where we were and practically fall on top of my sister. We kind of jumped out of the way and walked away from him. He was saying something - don't really remember what, but something perverse. Before we knew what was fully happening, my Dad came bolting out of the hotel and dealt with the man in a way only a Daddy can over his girls.
No matter what else had happened up to that moment in my life, and regardless of what has happened since ..... for that single moment in time, MY DAD WAS A HERO!!! HE WAS MY HERO!!! He was everything every little girl dreams about in her Daddy!
Enter the Twist ... The Rest of The Story ... The End of the Story
The reason Dad got out the door of the hotel so quickly is because he had been occupying his time by drinking inside the hotel, and the bar was right beside the beach access. After he helped us collect our things, our entire family retired to our rooms, with my sister and I receiving an onslaught of verbal abuse about how the whole incident was our fault for wearing our suits and tanning. Something about what did we expect would happen when we showing our bodies to drunk men? WHATEVER!
Truth is ... there are a thousand of these stories from my life. Stories that, though they have good moments indicating a happy childhood, always ended with the proverbial "other shoe" dropping. There was always a catch or a consequence! The problem is that these stories have laid the framework for who I am and carved the mindset I took into early adulthood. Looking back, the damage I see now is the same damage I saw then.
ENTER GRACE .....
Is it really important to my story that my Dad was drinking in the middle of the afternoon on a family vacation with his wife and four kids? Is it really important to my story that I was accused of things I knew weren't true? Is it really important to my story that Daddy tried to make me believe it was my fault some man, I did not even know, got drunk, wet his pants and nearly fell on me and my sister? Even then, I knew I was the victim of circumstance, if you will.
What if I CHOOSE to change my vantage point on this and every other story like it? What if I CHOOSE to pull out all the bad - not deny it - and only focus on those moments that brought joy into my life? I shudder to imagine the positive impact this could have on my life. The positive impact this could have on the lives of those around me. Not changing my testimony, you understand, but changing my vantage point; so, that those who hear my story will be shown a better way out of their own personal hell, and, hopefully, won't have to lose 24 years of their own life searching for the way out. What if?
So, on that day in 1985, my Dad was my hero!!!! And, that's all I'm gonna say about that!
Much Love,
Kalena Choosing
Growing up with my Dad was no easy task. Dysfunctional on good days and hell on the bad! However, this story is about the ONE MOMENT in time when my Dad was my hero!
Although my hometown is Pensacola, I have lived most of my life away from the Sugar White sands of the Gulf Coast. When I was a kid, my family always managed to make our way home at least once a year - mostly in the summer, but on an occasional holiday, as well. In my teenage years, we gravitated away from Pensacola east to Destin. One of my favorite places on the Gulf Coast is the Holidome located immediately on the beach, complete with indoor/outdoor pools, a gym, awesome continental breakfast. Everything you would want a hotel to be, including a revolving restaurant on the top floor of the dome.
In the summer of 1985, my family stayed there for a week. Life was good! On the day of this story, my younger sister and I were laying in the sun on the deck that led to the beach, in the back of the hotel. Some guy - some drunk guy - OK, some really drunk guy came walking up the boardwalk towards where we were at. It was no mystery just exactly how drunk he was, because had wet his pants and was drinking Jack Daniels out of a glass bottle that had the top broken off.
We saw him coming, but neither of us expected him to stagger all the way to where we were and practically fall on top of my sister. We kind of jumped out of the way and walked away from him. He was saying something - don't really remember what, but something perverse. Before we knew what was fully happening, my Dad came bolting out of the hotel and dealt with the man in a way only a Daddy can over his girls.
No matter what else had happened up to that moment in my life, and regardless of what has happened since ..... for that single moment in time, MY DAD WAS A HERO!!! HE WAS MY HERO!!! He was everything every little girl dreams about in her Daddy!
Enter the Twist ... The Rest of The Story ... The End of the Story
The reason Dad got out the door of the hotel so quickly is because he had been occupying his time by drinking inside the hotel, and the bar was right beside the beach access. After he helped us collect our things, our entire family retired to our rooms, with my sister and I receiving an onslaught of verbal abuse about how the whole incident was our fault for wearing our suits and tanning. Something about what did we expect would happen when we showing our bodies to drunk men? WHATEVER!
Truth is ... there are a thousand of these stories from my life. Stories that, though they have good moments indicating a happy childhood, always ended with the proverbial "other shoe" dropping. There was always a catch or a consequence! The problem is that these stories have laid the framework for who I am and carved the mindset I took into early adulthood. Looking back, the damage I see now is the same damage I saw then.
ENTER GRACE .....
Is it really important to my story that my Dad was drinking in the middle of the afternoon on a family vacation with his wife and four kids? Is it really important to my story that I was accused of things I knew weren't true? Is it really important to my story that Daddy tried to make me believe it was my fault some man, I did not even know, got drunk, wet his pants and nearly fell on me and my sister? Even then, I knew I was the victim of circumstance, if you will.
What if I CHOOSE to change my vantage point on this and every other story like it? What if I CHOOSE to pull out all the bad - not deny it - and only focus on those moments that brought joy into my life? I shudder to imagine the positive impact this could have on my life. The positive impact this could have on the lives of those around me. Not changing my testimony, you understand, but changing my vantage point; so, that those who hear my story will be shown a better way out of their own personal hell, and, hopefully, won't have to lose 24 years of their own life searching for the way out. What if?
So, on that day in 1985, my Dad was my hero!!!! And, that's all I'm gonna say about that!
Much Love,
Kalena Choosing
Crossroads
What would you do if you woke up one morning and realized everything you thought you knew about God was, at the least, misunderstood, or, even more frightening, completely wrong? I find myself at just this junction in life, praying wholeheartedly for simple misunderstanding - yet coming into full realization that more than likely - the vast majority of my understanding fails to line up with what the Scriptures ACTUALLY say.
Yet - I stand in the face of this controversial shift - UNAFRAID!!!!!
Of this, I am sure - Jesus is the only begotten Son of God, born of a virgin, died on Calvary's Cross for my sins, arose from the grave on the third day, and now sits at the right hand of our Heavenly Father. More over, some day in the near, or distant, future will return in full visible manifestation as Lord of Lords and King of Kings to rule this world for eternity! In Earth as In Heaven, as the prayer reads.
That is where my certainty ends!
I find myself often times standing alone in the desert with God suffering through the sand burn of pruning, stretching and growing! As beautiful as these moments alone with Him always are, they leave me much frustrated comparing the way things are to the ways things should be. Though they leave Spiritually explosive, I find myself physically exhausted. Though the fullness of grace and mercy abound, my tolerance for things ungodly is severely decreased.
So, I pose the question, what is to be of the Children of God who seek to be 1st Century Christians in this era of time? I cannot bring myself to believe that this life, though fleeting, serves no purpose but to carry us to the hereafter. The Bible says that Eternal Life is knowing God and the Son whom He sent (that's red letter New Testament text from the Garden of Gethsemane, John 17:3). The Apostle Paul tells us that The Kingdom of God is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17).
With that said - what are we waiting for? Heaven? Eternity? The Rapture? According to those two scriptures alone - those of us who have received God's gift of Salvation have already come into Eternal Life. It is Here and NOW!!!!! The Kingdom of God is already here - in this life - the Holy Spirit alive in us!!!!! How are we taking care of it? Sitting around talking about when the Lord returns or getting in the dregs and walking it out?
How would we change our view of this life if we ever fully came into the realization that our Eternity began at Salvation? As opposed to believing the misconception that all of this is going to go away when Jesus returns, so it doesn't really matter? If the plan of God truly is to restore man unto Himself, restore man unto each other and restore creation - which I believe it is - then we need to look at things from an eternal perspective. The restoration process began 2000 years ago on Calvary and will continue until the coming of our Lord. It is our turn to take up the cross and carry it forward. Not merely for the saving of souls - the Bible is very clear that only God has the power to save anyone - more over by walking as the redeemed children of God - projecting His love in a way that those who see will open themselves up to Him to receive His Son.
Life is a movie, taken from The Greatest Story Ever Told!!!! What we must face individually, and collectively, is that it is not about us! It never has been! That it not to say that to God it's not about me or you or us! Because it is! He loves nothing better than to be with each of us every single second of every single day! He wants to be with us! In relationship and love - the way things were in the Garden before the fall! What I'm saying here, for example - is that to me, it can NEVER be about me, not what I say, not what I do. To me it has to be ALL about Him - no compromise, no negotiation! The way I live that is by making it about everyone else around me! My life is God's story, and I am a supporting actress character, at best!
EVERYTHING WE DO ON THIS EARTH MATTERS!!!! (It matters now, and it will matter through out eternity!)
One of the most beautiful things about coming to this place with God, is that there is a freedom that comes through Jesus and the Holy Spirit that is a scary thing. Fear flees! To approach life as a fearless child of the One True Living God is a dangerous thing!!!!! Because, you truly come to a place where you genuinely DO NOT CARE what the world thinks or says! And you will stand in the face of adversity without waivering and take it head on! UNAFRAID!
God is, and nothing can lead you away from that fact!
His truth is the only truth, and there is no compromise!
Jesus came, and He is coming back!
I am settled on these truths, so I seek the journey ahead with fear and trembling; because, I know my God is leading the way. He is Powerful! He is Awesome! His love for me is unending, and He will guide me into His perfect will for my place in His life!!!
From the Desert of Truth,
Kalena Learns
Yet - I stand in the face of this controversial shift - UNAFRAID!!!!!
Of this, I am sure - Jesus is the only begotten Son of God, born of a virgin, died on Calvary's Cross for my sins, arose from the grave on the third day, and now sits at the right hand of our Heavenly Father. More over, some day in the near, or distant, future will return in full visible manifestation as Lord of Lords and King of Kings to rule this world for eternity! In Earth as In Heaven, as the prayer reads.
That is where my certainty ends!
I find myself often times standing alone in the desert with God suffering through the sand burn of pruning, stretching and growing! As beautiful as these moments alone with Him always are, they leave me much frustrated comparing the way things are to the ways things should be. Though they leave Spiritually explosive, I find myself physically exhausted. Though the fullness of grace and mercy abound, my tolerance for things ungodly is severely decreased.
So, I pose the question, what is to be of the Children of God who seek to be 1st Century Christians in this era of time? I cannot bring myself to believe that this life, though fleeting, serves no purpose but to carry us to the hereafter. The Bible says that Eternal Life is knowing God and the Son whom He sent (that's red letter New Testament text from the Garden of Gethsemane, John 17:3). The Apostle Paul tells us that The Kingdom of God is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17).
With that said - what are we waiting for? Heaven? Eternity? The Rapture? According to those two scriptures alone - those of us who have received God's gift of Salvation have already come into Eternal Life. It is Here and NOW!!!!! The Kingdom of God is already here - in this life - the Holy Spirit alive in us!!!!! How are we taking care of it? Sitting around talking about when the Lord returns or getting in the dregs and walking it out?
How would we change our view of this life if we ever fully came into the realization that our Eternity began at Salvation? As opposed to believing the misconception that all of this is going to go away when Jesus returns, so it doesn't really matter? If the plan of God truly is to restore man unto Himself, restore man unto each other and restore creation - which I believe it is - then we need to look at things from an eternal perspective. The restoration process began 2000 years ago on Calvary and will continue until the coming of our Lord. It is our turn to take up the cross and carry it forward. Not merely for the saving of souls - the Bible is very clear that only God has the power to save anyone - more over by walking as the redeemed children of God - projecting His love in a way that those who see will open themselves up to Him to receive His Son.
Life is a movie, taken from The Greatest Story Ever Told!!!! What we must face individually, and collectively, is that it is not about us! It never has been! That it not to say that to God it's not about me or you or us! Because it is! He loves nothing better than to be with each of us every single second of every single day! He wants to be with us! In relationship and love - the way things were in the Garden before the fall! What I'm saying here, for example - is that to me, it can NEVER be about me, not what I say, not what I do. To me it has to be ALL about Him - no compromise, no negotiation! The way I live that is by making it about everyone else around me! My life is God's story, and I am a supporting actress character, at best!
EVERYTHING WE DO ON THIS EARTH MATTERS!!!! (It matters now, and it will matter through out eternity!)
One of the most beautiful things about coming to this place with God, is that there is a freedom that comes through Jesus and the Holy Spirit that is a scary thing. Fear flees! To approach life as a fearless child of the One True Living God is a dangerous thing!!!!! Because, you truly come to a place where you genuinely DO NOT CARE what the world thinks or says! And you will stand in the face of adversity without waivering and take it head on! UNAFRAID!
God is, and nothing can lead you away from that fact!
His truth is the only truth, and there is no compromise!
Jesus came, and He is coming back!
I am settled on these truths, so I seek the journey ahead with fear and trembling; because, I know my God is leading the way. He is Powerful! He is Awesome! His love for me is unending, and He will guide me into His perfect will for my place in His life!!!
From the Desert of Truth,
Kalena Learns
Sunday, August 16, 2009
In Simon's Shadow
So, I have spent a great part of today thinking about my life ..... where I've been ..... where I'm going ..... what the heck I'm doing. And, it occurred to me that WHO I am is the most important aspect of all of these things. Loud, Eccentric, A Type personality ..... completely full of myself. Somewhere in my revelatory moments I realized just how much I love Simon Peter. Much like me, he is the greatest Biblical example of "Open Mouth, Insert Foot" kind of guy around. I wondered for a minute if Jesus actually laughed out loud that night in the garden knowing that Peter's dying declaration was full of passion but a zero bust on follow through. I can kind of imagine a hardy gafaw that the Gospels so lovingly left from their texts to minimize the humility of what was to come. Amazingly, this is the one account of Simon Peter's interacting with the Lord that is covered in ALL FOUR Gospels. Peter walked on water, and only Matthew gave note to mention it, but NO ONE missed this monumental fall of Peter. We love Simon Peter, much like Jesus does; because, it is very easy to understand the heart's desire to be "All In" for our Jesus, and, at the same time, know the heartache of falling short.
I had the good fortune of meeting Simon Peter some years ago. In 1986, actually, I was blessed to sit in his company and listen to him talk in the most remarkable way about our Lord and what it was like to walk with Him and talk with Him ..... just to be in His presence. I have always figured Jesus to be a common looking kind of man, somebody who just could fit in with the crowd in Jerusalem, not some runway model with strikingly good looks. More of a man who became more attractive as you got to know Him. On that day, however, my heart took me far away from the boat we were on to a place where the Bible came alive and opened herself up to me so I could see. My Jesus was beautiful in every way I could think of. So deeply I wished it were me that had walked with Jesus and could talk about Him like that. So passionately I did not want that moment to end.
In truth, the beginning of my life being turned upside down had just begun. My parents had uprooted all of us kids from the town we had grown up in, our home, our church, leaving all friends, relationships, everything behind. There was anger and bitterness and ugliness everywhere. I was angry all the time, and there was nothing I could do about it; because, I was a kid. I wasn't in charge of anything, but was reaping a consequence of someone else's choices.
As always, God showed up to carry us kids through a part of our journey no one else wanted. He came to us that year through Brother Roy Chewning, who was the temporal Pastor at the church most of our family went to. Brother Chewning was different from any other pastor I had ever known, because he taught us through the most peculiar ways that we could actually have FUN in our loving the Lord and still be loving our Lord. A thing I had never even given thought to. Church was serious business and there was no place for fun, as far as I knew. Brother Chewning opened a Spiritual door for me, I have never allowed to close. My blessed encounter with Peter was cast by the hands of this man. On that particular day, he chartered a fishing boat over in Perdido Key for our Youth Group. We all loaded in the vans at Klondike Baptist and road for what seemed an eternity ( I remember singing that song "On My Own" by Patti LaBelle and Michael McDonald), got out and climbed on to this smelly fishing boat and sat down. OK ..... we were going for a boat ride. Cool enough! I HAD NO IDEA just how cool this boat ride was about to become.
Not long after we all sat down in our little school circle, out walked this remarkable looking man, dressed in first century attire, with an air of almost floating across the deck of the boat. And, he was a BIG guy .... broad shouldered, solid weight guy! When he situated himself in the middle of our half circle and looked up to begin speaking, he appearance became even more mezmorizing because one of his eyes was silverish white. He was captivating to look at, and, strangely, he didn't seem at all out of place in that cloak. BUT ..... when he began speaking ..... I completely lost touch with time and reality. His words about our Lord and the relationship he had with Him carried me across continents and through time, and I - Karen Elaine Johnson - I was truly on the Sea of Galilee, lost in the words of this man who had lived with my Lord and loved Him in a way I had never heard of. I couldn't tell you how long he talked, and I don't even remember what he said anymore. All I know is that it was real, and I was there! It wasn't until he finished speaking that I actually regained reality of time and location.
The experience has never left me. Many days in my life I have dreamed to be back on that boat, on our Lord's Sea. Many times I have searched myself to recapture that moment. There have been others since, but none like that day. Yet, I keep searching ..... to get myself to that place God is leading me ..... to have that kind of understanding of His love ..... not to just know that He loves me ..... but to recapture that 1st Generation Christian walk in this 21st Century brokenness ..... to follow in Simon's Shadow, that God will be so clear to people through me that they come into the full understanding of being in relationship with Him just because they hear me speak.
With Much Love .......
Kalena in Kenosis
Today's trailer - I have recently learned that the wonderful man who sat as Simon Peter on that boat that day is Pastor Mike Westbury. In 1986, he served as the Youth Pastor at East Brent Baptist. He has since moved to Texas. It is in my heart to find him just to let him know the impact that afternoon, all those years ago has had on my life.
I had the good fortune of meeting Simon Peter some years ago. In 1986, actually, I was blessed to sit in his company and listen to him talk in the most remarkable way about our Lord and what it was like to walk with Him and talk with Him ..... just to be in His presence. I have always figured Jesus to be a common looking kind of man, somebody who just could fit in with the crowd in Jerusalem, not some runway model with strikingly good looks. More of a man who became more attractive as you got to know Him. On that day, however, my heart took me far away from the boat we were on to a place where the Bible came alive and opened herself up to me so I could see. My Jesus was beautiful in every way I could think of. So deeply I wished it were me that had walked with Jesus and could talk about Him like that. So passionately I did not want that moment to end.
In truth, the beginning of my life being turned upside down had just begun. My parents had uprooted all of us kids from the town we had grown up in, our home, our church, leaving all friends, relationships, everything behind. There was anger and bitterness and ugliness everywhere. I was angry all the time, and there was nothing I could do about it; because, I was a kid. I wasn't in charge of anything, but was reaping a consequence of someone else's choices.
As always, God showed up to carry us kids through a part of our journey no one else wanted. He came to us that year through Brother Roy Chewning, who was the temporal Pastor at the church most of our family went to. Brother Chewning was different from any other pastor I had ever known, because he taught us through the most peculiar ways that we could actually have FUN in our loving the Lord and still be loving our Lord. A thing I had never even given thought to. Church was serious business and there was no place for fun, as far as I knew. Brother Chewning opened a Spiritual door for me, I have never allowed to close. My blessed encounter with Peter was cast by the hands of this man. On that particular day, he chartered a fishing boat over in Perdido Key for our Youth Group. We all loaded in the vans at Klondike Baptist and road for what seemed an eternity ( I remember singing that song "On My Own" by Patti LaBelle and Michael McDonald), got out and climbed on to this smelly fishing boat and sat down. OK ..... we were going for a boat ride. Cool enough! I HAD NO IDEA just how cool this boat ride was about to become.
Not long after we all sat down in our little school circle, out walked this remarkable looking man, dressed in first century attire, with an air of almost floating across the deck of the boat. And, he was a BIG guy .... broad shouldered, solid weight guy! When he situated himself in the middle of our half circle and looked up to begin speaking, he appearance became even more mezmorizing because one of his eyes was silverish white. He was captivating to look at, and, strangely, he didn't seem at all out of place in that cloak. BUT ..... when he began speaking ..... I completely lost touch with time and reality. His words about our Lord and the relationship he had with Him carried me across continents and through time, and I - Karen Elaine Johnson - I was truly on the Sea of Galilee, lost in the words of this man who had lived with my Lord and loved Him in a way I had never heard of. I couldn't tell you how long he talked, and I don't even remember what he said anymore. All I know is that it was real, and I was there! It wasn't until he finished speaking that I actually regained reality of time and location.
The experience has never left me. Many days in my life I have dreamed to be back on that boat, on our Lord's Sea. Many times I have searched myself to recapture that moment. There have been others since, but none like that day. Yet, I keep searching ..... to get myself to that place God is leading me ..... to have that kind of understanding of His love ..... not to just know that He loves me ..... but to recapture that 1st Generation Christian walk in this 21st Century brokenness ..... to follow in Simon's Shadow, that God will be so clear to people through me that they come into the full understanding of being in relationship with Him just because they hear me speak.
With Much Love .......
Kalena in Kenosis
Today's trailer - I have recently learned that the wonderful man who sat as Simon Peter on that boat that day is Pastor Mike Westbury. In 1986, he served as the Youth Pastor at East Brent Baptist. He has since moved to Texas. It is in my heart to find him just to let him know the impact that afternoon, all those years ago has had on my life.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Going Home
Last day in South Florida. It has been another KalenaDia adventure, but I am really looking forward to being back at home. I have found a magnitude of photo ops down here, but will have to return on another day when stop, focus, shoot is more tolerated. Ft Lauderdale is definitely not what I had always imagined. The days of "Spring Break" in Lauderdale obviously reached there apex many years ago. Hollywood is not "all the scene" I heard about growing up either. Down here, these places are cities that happen to be on the beach, as opposed to the peaceful slow paced beach city atmosphere. Miami Beach is nice, but South Beach is by far the most happening place I found. Awesome photography can come out of that little strip as long as you don't mind the occasional fashion faux pas - apparently swim tops are optional and thong bottoms are ALL THE RAGE!! Lots of neon on Ocean Drive and night time is the time to shoot down there. Of course, I was there midday. UGH!
I made it successfully the two hour trip through the Everglades yesterday to find the allusive Sanibel Island the Travel Channel spoke so highly of, just south of Fort Myers. Seashells are in abundance like I have never seen, but, at the end of the day, my sugar white sands on Pensacola make these beaches look like swamp land! However, it still makes my list of things to do with my husband and kids. I mean - the beach is the beach! :)
Although I can say, just like I always do in Pensacola, I walked hand in hand with the Lord yesterday at Sanibel. And, like always happens, He showed up right when I needed Him to. I have had a great time this week, venturing to see things I have never seen, going places I've never been; but it's ok for it to come to an end. When I was in Pensacola with Mark and the boys in June, I prayed for time to stand still and for us to be able to stay there forever. My heart is so alive on that beach, and I smile alot more easily and frequently than I do other times. When the opportunity came to make this trip, I felt very fortunate and extremely excited. Two beach trips in the same summer! Woo! Woo! Yet, I find myself looking forward to the plane ride home tomorrow, more than I than I did the trip itself. Today I find myself even more fortunate that I have my little Mountain Oasis to return to.
So .... the journey continues ......
Kalena The Traveler
And, uh, oh yeah - yesterday on Sanibel, the Lord assured me that He is very fond of Pensacola, also! :)
I made it successfully the two hour trip through the Everglades yesterday to find the allusive Sanibel Island the Travel Channel spoke so highly of, just south of Fort Myers. Seashells are in abundance like I have never seen, but, at the end of the day, my sugar white sands on Pensacola make these beaches look like swamp land! However, it still makes my list of things to do with my husband and kids. I mean - the beach is the beach! :)
Although I can say, just like I always do in Pensacola, I walked hand in hand with the Lord yesterday at Sanibel. And, like always happens, He showed up right when I needed Him to. I have had a great time this week, venturing to see things I have never seen, going places I've never been; but it's ok for it to come to an end. When I was in Pensacola with Mark and the boys in June, I prayed for time to stand still and for us to be able to stay there forever. My heart is so alive on that beach, and I smile alot more easily and frequently than I do other times. When the opportunity came to make this trip, I felt very fortunate and extremely excited. Two beach trips in the same summer! Woo! Woo! Yet, I find myself looking forward to the plane ride home tomorrow, more than I than I did the trip itself. Today I find myself even more fortunate that I have my little Mountain Oasis to return to.
So .... the journey continues ......
Kalena The Traveler
And, uh, oh yeah - yesterday on Sanibel, the Lord assured me that He is very fond of Pensacola, also! :)
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Unconditionally
So, I've been doing ALOT of reading lately - Christian Fiction mostly. If there is even such a thing - think about that. Christian Fiction. Kind of an oxymoronic term. Christian Fiction. I'm no rocket scientist, by any means, but I do understand that when it comes to faith and the core of Christianity - Fiction is probably the only category that Spiritual encounters and revelatory moments with God can be classified as. The greatest thing about faith is that, because it can't be evidentially proven, it can't be disproved either. WOW!!! How much I love God!
The greatest thing I've learned in all my reading is how much GOD LOVES ME! It's mind blowing actually! That with all my mistakes, shortcomings, failures and imperfections - HE KEEPS ON LOVING ME! I suppose, because I'm the only one who truly knows how long that list actually is that it means more to me than anyone reading this how HUGE His love is. BUT ... we all have our lists, and we all have our stories; and, I'm sure I'm not the only one who sits in awe of our God wondering HOW he could possibly still love me knowing what I know about myself.
Well, smack dab in the middle of my fiction reading, the Lord calmly pointed out that I am the only one surprised by my short comings. He knew everything about me from the beginning. Where I would fall short, where I would excel - every intricate detail of my existence continuing into eternity - and He sent me here from heaven, anyway. He is my HALO! He covers me, carries me and protects me continuously - even when I'm too thick to realize I need it! And ..... HE LOVES ME - UNCONDITIONALLY - in spite of myself!
Isn't that AWESOME?
Much Love,
Karen
*Sidenote* - Of all the names given to God in the Bible - HALO is my acronym from scripture- and it is my absolute favorite! It gives such a glorious image of Him that only the heart can see!
Isaiah 57:15 says "For thus saith the high and lofty One that inhabiteth eternity, whose name is Holy; I dwell in the high and holy place, with him also that is of a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones."
The greatest thing I've learned in all my reading is how much GOD LOVES ME! It's mind blowing actually! That with all my mistakes, shortcomings, failures and imperfections - HE KEEPS ON LOVING ME! I suppose, because I'm the only one who truly knows how long that list actually is that it means more to me than anyone reading this how HUGE His love is. BUT ... we all have our lists, and we all have our stories; and, I'm sure I'm not the only one who sits in awe of our God wondering HOW he could possibly still love me knowing what I know about myself.
Well, smack dab in the middle of my fiction reading, the Lord calmly pointed out that I am the only one surprised by my short comings. He knew everything about me from the beginning. Where I would fall short, where I would excel - every intricate detail of my existence continuing into eternity - and He sent me here from heaven, anyway. He is my HALO! He covers me, carries me and protects me continuously - even when I'm too thick to realize I need it! And ..... HE LOVES ME - UNCONDITIONALLY - in spite of myself!
Isn't that AWESOME?
Much Love,
Karen
*Sidenote* - Of all the names given to God in the Bible - HALO is my acronym from scripture- and it is my absolute favorite! It gives such a glorious image of Him that only the heart can see!
Isaiah 57:15 says "For thus saith the high and lofty One that inhabiteth eternity, whose name is Holy; I dwell in the high and holy place, with him also that is of a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones."
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